We see Mr. and Mrs. Boggsfeld entering Dr. Andy J. Waczemkum’s office. Mr. Boggsfeld has a box on his head, and Mrs Boggsfeld is guiding him.
Barb
I want to thank you Doctor, for letting us see you on short notice.
Dr.
Of course, when you told me of the severity of Mister Boxfeld’s condition, I couldn’t rightly…
Barb
No, I’m sorry Doctor, it’s BOGGsfeld.
Dr.
Yes, Boxfeld.
Barb
No, BOGG-z-feld.
Dr.
Boxfeld.
Barb
His name is Jack.
Dr.
Too perfect. Jack’s condition seems to have progressed.
Barb
It gets worse daily now. He’s distant, uncommunicative. He doesn’t talk or even interact with the kids.
Dr.
You mean he’s boxed in?
Barb
I mean that without a way to express himself, to stay repressed this way…
Dr.
He’s going postal?
Barb
This session is $100 dollars, Doctor. I seriously hope you don’t intend to spend it making puns. Obviously he’s in a box, but isn’t that just an extension of some deep seeded trouble? Not to mention, all he seems capable of doing lately is staring at my chest.
They both look at Jack, who has been staring at Barb’s chest. Jack try’s to nonchalantly look away. He takes a drink of water.
Dr.
Barb, I want you to repeat after me: Whoa, I think I Feel Something.
Barb
Whoa, I think I feel something?
Dr.
What do you feel?
Barb
Nothing…are you for real?
Dr.
Ok then, when was the last time you had a conversation with your husband ?
Barb
Two weeks ago.
Dr.
Good, good.
Doctor Handy takes a sip of his coffee.
Barb
But he then he just got shipped off for work.
Doctor Handy does a spit take, spraying the side of Jack’s box-head. Dr. starts dapping the box head with a hanky.
Dr.
Wait, I thought we were done with the puns, cuz that was funny.
Barb
(gritting her teeth) Doctor…
Dr.
Can we take it back right before that joke? I think we were having a breakthrough. Let’s see if we can bring Jack along with us. Jack, say it with me: whoa, I think I feel something.
Jack Shakes his head
Dr.
Come on.
Jack shakes his head again.
Dr.
Aw, Jack, don’t be a dick in a box.
Barb
Jesus.
She goes to leave.
Dr.
If you walk out that door you’re turning your back on Jack. You know Jack wouldn’t like that, and I know Jack wouldn’t like this.
The Dr. places his hand on Barb’s titty (either one).
Barb
What the Fuck?
Dr.
Whoa, I think we both feel that.
Joe stands and shoves the Doctor.
Barb
Joe, honey, you haven’t moved in weeks.
Dr.
Who’s the genius?
Barb
Now, I wouldn’t go that far.
Dr.
Mrs. Boxfeld…
Barb
BOGG-Z-FELD.
Dr.
I’m convinced I can get that box off Joe’s head. Joe, how did you feel when you saw me caress Barb’s titty?
Joe punches his hand in his fist.
Dr.
See, I knew you could think outside the box.
Barb
Really.
Dr.
So we know you’re in there. For the sake of your marriage, Joe, look your wife in the eyes and tell her you love her. Take off the box, Joe.
Joe looks at his wife, then back at the Doctor. Pause. Joe nods his head and decides to take off the box. He is wearing a smaller box. The Doctor jumps, startled.
Dr.
Who are you sick people?
Jack
Sorry, Barb, I’ve always been insecure about the size of my package.
Audience groans; they exit.
Art and Music in Our Souls 