A stalled subway car at 2am.  Cassandra, Buddha and Capote are making their way home.

CASSANDRA

Don’t worry, the end’s in sight.

BUDDHA

When is it over?

CASSANDRA

May.

BUDDHA

What is that, three months?  I can’t take another three months of this.  One guy was trying to talk to me about parallel universes like he was some expert on quantum fucking physics.

CASSANDRA

What’d you tell him?

BUDDHA

I told him I didn’t watch the show, but he just kept talking.  Whats the world coming to when you’re not even safe at a party full of hipsters?

CAPOTE

What, hipsters can’t watch LOST?

BUDDHA

No.  Real hipsters shouldn’t have a TV.

CASSANDRA

They could be watching it online.

A train conductor is heard.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR

Ladies and gentlemen, we are having electrical issues with the track.  We should be moving shortly.  Please be patient.

BUDDHA

I’m gonna be the happiest man alive when that show’s off the air.  It’ll be safe to go back on facebook, then all I’ll have to worry about are the assholes that keep asking me to milk their fake cows on their fake farm.

CAPOTE

Wow, you’re full of love tonight, Buddha.

BUDDHA

Always.

CASSANDRA

Hey, what’d you think of the band, Capote?

CAPOTE

I liked ‘em.  Good vibe.

BUDDHA

They were a little fatalistic for my liking.

CAPOTE

Fatalistic?  Do you even know what that means?

BUDDHA

Yeah.  Depressing.

CAPOTE

Not quite.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR

Ladies and gentlemen we should be moving shortly.  Please be patient.

BUDDHA
(over the Conductor)

Come on!   What kinda electrical problem could they be having at two in the morning, anyway?

CAPOTE

I don’t think electricity cares what time it is.

BUDDHA

Well, they raised our fucking rates, they should be able to fix everything.

CAPOTE

The extra money doesn’t even cover their budget deficit.

BUDDHA

Dude, stop.

CAPOTE

Stop what?

BUDDHA

You’re being that guy.

CAPOTE

You’re being that guy.

BUDDHA

Everything I say you have to criticize.

CAPOTE

Cause everything you say is bile.

BUDDHA

Yeah?  I’m an asshole.  That’s who I am.  Be true to yourself – Shakespeare.

CAPOTE

To thine own self be true.

BUDDHA

Same thing.

CAPOTE

Don’t quote him if you’re gonna quote him incorrectly.

Silence.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR

Ladies and gentlemen, we should be moving shortly, please be patient.

BUDDHA

I’m being patient now move the fucking train so I can get home already!

CAPOTE

Everything is not about you.  Can you just be a little compassionate?

BUDDHA

Compassionate?  What are you Hipster Jesus now?

CAPOTE

What did you call me?

BUDDHA

Hipster Jesus.

CAPOTE

I’m not a hipster!

BUDDHA

Be true to yourself.

CASSANDRA

Capote, what’s wrong?

CAPOTE

Buddha.

BUDDHA

Buddha’s always like that.  What’s up with you?

CAPOTE

I’m just tired.  The world is going to shit and all anyone cares about is themselves!  Buddha, I bet the people in Haiti would kill to be in your place right now, even with all the LOSTies and facebook assholes.

BUDDHA

I texted in my donation.

CAPOTE

Yeah, $10 to wipe your conscience clean, it’s a bargain.

BUDDHA

And what are you doing?

CAPOTE

Nothing, and that pisses me off.

CASSANDRA

I understand.  But you can’t make the world’s problems your own.  Go do what makes you happy then share that with the world.  Life’s good.

TRAIN CONDUCTOR

Ladies and gentlemen, thanks for your patience, the problem has been resolved and we’re moving.

CASSANDRA

Everything’s gonna be fine.

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