All Wrapped Up

By Anne Marie Nest

Richard, a junior account executive, is sitting at a non-traditional workspace, which is, in essence, an open desk shared by 3-4 employees designed to foster teamwork.  He is wrapped in cellophane.  Enter Bill and Marilyn, two other junior account executives.

MARILYN: Nice get-up lollipop.

BILL: What’s with the cellophane, Candy Man?

Richard ignores them, but is clearly agitated.

MARILYN:  Aren’t you hot?  And sweaty?

BILL:  Mmm just how I like ‘em.

RICHARD:  Quit it you guys, I mean it.

MARILYN:  Look at all that brute force trapped under thin plastic wrap.

RICHARD:  I really don’t want to talk about this, ok?

BILL:  C’mon trooper, you walk into work wrapped in cellophane and you expect us not to say anything?

MARILYN:  Really.

RICHARD:  Allright, allright.

Beat

MARILYN:  Well?

RICHARD:  I have (mumbles something).

MARILYN:  What?

BILL:  Speak up sailor, couldn’t quite hear ya’.

RICHARD:  I have bed bugs!

Marilyn and Bill simultaneously scoot their chairs away from Richard.

BILL:  Woah, sucks to be you scout.

MARILYN: Oh my god this is like…oh what was the name of that college that had all of the bed bugs and was shut down by the health department for weeks? Um, oh, shit, it was….

BILL:  ITT Tech? Bronx community college?  Dirty U?

MARILYN:  No, no it’ll come to me….

RICHARD:  Dirty U?  Are you fucking kidding me? Having bed bugs does not mean I’m dirty, ok?  It’s a city-wide epidemic!

BILL:  Yeah sure, pig pen.

MARILYN:  John Jay!  It’s just like John Jay!

RICHARD:  No it is not like John Jay.  I’m wrapped in cellophane for chrissakes!

BILL:  What about your briefcase?

Richard holds up his briefcase to reveal that it is wrapped cellophane.

MARILYN:  Wallet?

Richard holds up his wallet. It is chained to his pants and also wrapped in cellophane.

BILL:  Cell phone?

Richard reveals that it too is wrapped tight.

MARILYN:  Books?

BILL: (clearly no longer a joke to her): Oh that’s right! I heard those bastards jump right into books and go for a ride.

MARILYN:  Like they can even read!

Both Richard and Bill look at Marilyn.

RICHARD:  I’ve got it covered you guys! I’ve got it all covered.

Marilyn starts an online search for bed bugs.

BILL:  How do you piss, piper?

Richard stands and opens up the hole he’s built into his cellophane suit in that area to allow for such things.

BILL: (trying to get a better look at the package):  Genuis.

MARILYN:  Close it, close it, close it!

BILL:  First time for those words Marilyn?

MARILYN:  (with a look of disdain to Bill) Ha, Ha. No, it says right here that they love pubic hair, ok? Love.

BILL:  Seriously?

Bill goes to Marilyn’s computer.  They quickly get intense reading the information reading about bed bugs.

RICHARD:  Would you two stop it? I actually have some work to do. INSTAR is going to be here in less than an hour.

BILL:  Wow this is some sick shit. (to Richard) Ooooh baby doll, are you presenting today?

RICHARD:  Yes, in less than an hour, so would you guys shut the hell up?

MARILYN:  Uh oh.

BILL:  A great man brought down by the tiniest of bugs. Tsk tsk tsk.

RICHARD: What the hell are you two talking about now?

MARILYN:  Are you really going to present all wrapped up like that?

BILL:  (to Marilyn) Can’t you just see their faces?

MARILYN:  Especially Rosalind! This is definitely a career breaker.

RICHARD:  Oh shit. Oh shit you’re right! What the hell am I going to do?

BILL:  Guess you better take it off.

RICHARD:  But what if they get bed bugs?

BILL: How are they going to know it was you, huh?

RICHARD: (starts to take off the cellophane) You’re right. They’ll never….

MARILYN:  Wait!

RICHARD:  What?

MARILYN: I have always wanted to watch someone disrobe to this song.

(Marilyn plays “Make You Feel My Love” on her iPhone or laptop)

MARILYN:  Please?  Pretty, pretty, pretty please?

RICHARD: Me?

MARILYN: Yes.

Richard hesitantly begins to undress. Without Richard seeing, Bill films Richard with his camera phone.

MARILYN: (during this section the actress is invited to improv the dialogue as she needs; along the lines of cliché seductive phrases such as “Oh yes. Slower, slower! Take it off baby. That’s how I like it,”  etc.)

As Marilyn seduces Richard, he gets more and more into the strip tease. He takes it all off..the cellophane that is.

RICHARD:  Oh god I feel so much better! That shit was suffocating me.

MARILYN: And that was hot.

BILL (holding up his cell phone): And all on camera.

RICHARD:  What? You’re fucking kidding me.  You recorded all of that?!

BILL:  Afraid so cowboy.

RICHARD:  So now what?

MARILYN:  We’ve got you by the balls.

BILL:  Giddy-up.  The account is ours or your nasty little secret is all over INSTAR and anywhere else we can leak it.

Suddenly and frantically Richard rips open his briefcase and pours the contents on the desk. He then hugs both Marilyn and Bill and leaves. Bill and Marilyn look to each other: WTF? After a short beat Richard re-enters:

RICHARD:  Good luck with the bed bugs. Biatches!

Bill and Marilyn look to one another in horror…and scene.

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