Dress up in You
HUNTER and BUCK are at a bar.
HUNTER
Buck
BUCK
Hunter. Not now.
HUNTER
Buck
BUCK
Hunter. I’m serious.
RANDI approaches.
RANDI
What are you guys talking about?
BUCK
Nothing
HUNTER
It’s not gay
BUCK
Hunter!
RANDI
Is he talking about his old man again?
BUCK
No
HUNTER
Yes
RANDI
Buck
BUCK
Randi
RANDI
Hunter.
HUNTER
My old man
BUCK
I don’t want to hear this.
RANDI
Come on, Buck.
HUNTER
My old
BUCK
I don’t
HUNTER
It was a baseball game.
The last baseball game, I think
That we went to together.
BUCK
Jesus
HUNTER
Minor league team.
Where we grew up, upstate.
Farm team for the Blue Jays.
I say upstate, but if you’re from there you say central New York, because upstate could be, like, anywhere,
But
They used to be called the Syracuse Chiefs
But in the pc era
They had to change their name to the Syracuse Sky Chiefs
Whatever that means.
Their mascot used to be an Indian
Now it’s an airplane.
A Sky Chief, I guess.
Not a, you know, a Chief Chief.
It’s kind of lame
But it’s progress, I guess.
It was offensive to some, I think, the Indian, the Chief Chief.
The world is changing.
Anyway
The game
Was exciting, as, I think, most minor league games are
They were playing the Pawtucket Somethings
Farm team for the Red Sox,
Syracuse pitcher beams two batters in a row,
Second one comes charging the mound
Catcher rips his mask off, tries to trip him up,
Misses,
Guy makes it to the mound
Pitcher’s ready to roll
Gloves are thrown off
First baseman is on his way in
And this pitcher hits this guy so hard
You swear you can hear it in the stands
I mean, vicious,
Blood,
The batter goes down
The pitcher wants to wail on him while he’s down
The batter wraps himself around the dude’s legs
The first baseman’s just watching
Both benches have cleared
And these two guys start rolling around on the ground together.
Crowd is going nuts.
My old man
Who’s drinking a coke instead of a beer
Which was weird enough to begin with
Says
I can’t watch this
I’m like, what
He’s like, I can’t watch this
Too violent? I ask
Too sexy, says he.
I’m like, what
Everybody is standing all around us
My old man is still sitting.
I sit down with him.
I say, Dad
He’s like, I’m all worked up, son
I’m like, what
He says, I don’t know what to
I’m like, Dad
Son,
I think I’m a woman.
I say, no you’re not
He says, no, I think I am a woman
And I’m like, oh.
What?
He’s
I’m like, what the fuck are you talking about
And he laughs a little bit
But then he cries a little bit too
And
Suddenly
I’m like
Oh.
Do you
Are you
Do you think you’re just, like, gay?
And he says, no I’m not gay, I’m a woman.
I’m like
He says, son, I’m going to get a sex change.
And that was it
I mean, no judgment, no whatever
That was just it.
And he never really liked baseball as much as I did
As much as we did
Anyway.
Happiness is
I want him to be
You know
RANDI walks up to HUNTER and slowly kisses him on the mouth.
RANDI
I’m so proud of you, son.
She looks at BUCK.
Buck
BUCK
Hunter
HUNTER
What? What, dude? What?
Just say it. What is it?
RANDI
Buck.
BUCK falls to his kness.
BUCK
I can’t.
I can’t.
BUCK storms out.
HUNTER and RANDI settle in at the bar together.
RANDI
The Sky Chiefs is a terrible name.
HUNTER
I know.
RANDI
And that mascot is so cheesy.
HUNTER
I know.
RANDI
Don’t worry about him. He’ll come around.
HUNTER doesn’t say anything. Then…
HUNTER
You want another beer, old man?
RANDI
Better make mine an appletini.
They both laugh, and then freeze, like the end of a CHiPs episode.
BUCK comes back on. HUNTER leaves. RANDI faces BUCK. BUCK turns out to the audience…
BUCK
And that was the last time I kissed my father on the lips.
Some kind of climactic music, or sound, and
End of Play
Dress up in You
a short play
by Steven Cole Hughes
if I had a second skin
I’d probably dress up in you
– Belle & Sebastian
BUCK Justin W.
HUNTER Justin Y.
RANDI Melissa
ã All rights reserved. 2009.
Art and Music in Our Souls 