Dreaming on the Hudson.
by Iván René López
A bare apartment overlooking Broadway and East 3rd Street in Manhattan. Lying on the floor is LACEY, unconscious and spread eagle on the floor like DaVinci’s The Vitruvian Man. She is wearing shorts and an oversized t-shirt – her pajamas.
On either side of LACEY is an exquisitely dressed couple. They stand, passively looking down at LACEY. Muttering words of love down at her ears. We will call the couple THING 1 and THING 2 because, really, they have no names.
THING 1
You’re stupid.
THING 2
You’ve got nothing interesting to say.
THING 1
Your teeth are yellow.
THING 2
You have terrible B.O.
THING 1
You’re wasting space.
THING 2
You’re wasting air.
LACEY awakes with a loud inhalation that makes her sit up. She is groggy and disoriented. She yawns.
LACEY
Where am I?
THING 1
Here, retard.
LACEY looks around.
LACEY
Is this my apartment?
THING 2
You live in a shoebox. You can’t afford something this nice.
LACEY
I’m lost. Can you help me?
THING 1
You’re unhelpable.
THING 2
A lost cause.
LACEY
Why are you being so mean? I’m just asking for a little guidance, that’s all.
In walks HENRY HUDSON. He wears an I ♥ NY t-shirt and a Yankees cap and is sipping from a smoothie.
THING 1
(to THING 2)
Who is that?
THING 2
(to LACEY)
Who is that?
LACEY
(to HENRY HUDSON)
Who are you?
HENRY HUDSON
Henry Hudson. Dutch navigator. Inventor of New York City aka New Amsterdam aka Mannahatta[1].
LACEY
Holy shit, it’s a pleasure to meet you.
THING 1
(to Lacey)
You look dumb in your pajamas.
THING 2
(to Lacey)
Your breath stinks.
HENRY HUDSON
Where you trying to go?
LACEY
Huh?
HENRY HUDSON
You asked for some guidance. Where you trying to go?
THING 1
You’re going nowhere.
THING 2
Nowhere but failure!
LACEY
Out of here. Anywhere. I wanna wake up.
HENRY HUDSON takes a sip from his smoothie.
HENRY HUDSON
Ever had one of these smoothies? Fuck, they’re good. What an idea! God bless the genius who came up with this, right?
LACEY
You aren’t really helping me Henry Hudson. I have more pressing issues than smoothies right now.
THING 1
You oughta do something about your hair.
THING 2
Then maybe the men will stop leaving you.
LACEY
Okay, seriously?!
HENRY HUDSON
You don’t have to listen to them you know.
LACEY
What?
HENRY HUDSON
You don’t have to listen to these…things. They’re not real.
THING1
(pointing at HENRY HUDSON.)
He’s not real!
HENRY HUDSON
Maybe not, but I’m a hell of a lot nicer.
THING 1 runs up behind HENRY HUDSON and puts him in a full nelson. THING 2 begins to punch HENRY HUDSON. It’s a very exaggerated fight. Perhaps some cartoonish fight sounds might be in order. LACEY comes up from behind, turns THING 2 around and roundhouse kicks it. HENRY HUDSON kicks THING 1 in the crotch. The THINGS retreat, broken, wounded and a bit embarrassed.
LACEY
That felt nice, but I’m still lost.
HENRY HUDSON
Lacey, look out there. 400 years ago, back when the skyscrapers were trees, a Lenape man told me that they used this island for their vision quests. That hasn’t changed. Except now they’re coming from all around the world to find themselves. I took one look at Mannahatta and you know what I said?
LACEY
What?
HENRY HUDSON
“This land may be profitable to those that will adventure it.” Why don’t you go out there and do what you came here to do?
LACEY
What if they’re right, though? I mean look at me, I’m broke, I feel ugly and disgusting. The world isn’t making any sense and I’m going crazy. Hell, I cried when Michael Jackson, Teddy Kennedy and Billy Mayes died. What is that?
HENRY HUDSON
You have no idea how easy you have it, do you? I had to get in a fuckin’ boat and sail half way across the world and then dodge arrows when I got here. Now all you gotta dodge is taxi cabs on your way to the Whole Foods. You can listen to those things, believe what they say and ten years from now, you’ll be in the same place you are now or you could step out of the shoebox and go adventure. I made my choice. Its your turn now.
HENRY HUDSON points to the AUDIENCE. LACEY turns and sees the AUDIENCE for the first time, stiffens up and slowly takes a couple of small steps back. The THINGS stand and meekly offer:
THING 1
You’re stupid.
THING 2
You’ve got nothing interesting to say.
HENRY HUDSON
This is the tip of the iceberg. Just the tip.
HENRY HUDSON begins to exit.
LACEY
Wait, Henry Hudson. I’m not ready yet.
HENRY HUDSON
You’re a 26 year old artist, with no attachments, living in the greatest city in the world. When are you going to be ready?
Beat. Henry HUDSON exits. LACEY turns to the AUDIENCE, very unsure of herself but she’s there and looking them in the eye, and that’s something. The THINGS look on expectantly. An alarm rings.
FIN.
[1] Not a typo. Mannahatta is what the Lenape called the island.
Art and Music in Our Souls 