A dressing room or lounge in a large home.Sharon and Karen enter. They are both elegantly dressed and very proper. Both are holding champagne flutes.
SHARON (calling off stage) Oh don’t you worry boys. We’ll be right back. We’re just going to freshen up.
KAREN (calling off)We’ll meet you on the verandah in five minutes.
They both gaze off stage, smiling.
SHARON (still gazing off. Speaks through a smile)
Are they gone?
KAREN
Yes.
SHARON (dropping her propriety) Oh Jesus Christ. Thank God. Keep lookout.
KAREN
Got it.
Karen keeps looking off. Sharon runs to a placein the room a digs around for a moment. Sheproduces a six pack of canned beer, cigarettes, apen or other sharp pointed tool, and of course, a shake weight.
SHARON
Whew. I thought I forgot smokes.
Karen ceases her lookout duty and collapses in achair. She kicks her shoes off.
KAREN
Ohh. My feet are fucking killing me.

SHARON
Tell me about it.
Sharon kicks off her shoes and sits.
KAREN Listen, don’t get too comfortable. We don’t have all night.
SHARON Bitch, I only took my shoes off. Just like you.
KAREN
I know. I’m just saying.
SHARON
OK big hurry. You first.
The next bit of prep here should be quick andefficient. They’ve done this before.
KAREN (emphatically) Yes please. Light the smokestack.
Sharon lights a cigarette.
SHARON
Done.
KAREN
Gimme the drill.
Sharon brings her the shake weight.
SHARON
Done.
KAREN
Prep the well.
Sharon stabs a hole in the side of the beer canand hands it to Karen, who keeps her finger overit.

SHARON
Done.
KAREN
Ready?
SHARON
Ready.
KAREN
Let’s go.
Karen puts the hole in the can up to her mouth,Sharon pops the top of the can for her. Simultaneously Karen shotguns the beer with one hand and vigorously shakes the shakeweight with the other while Sharon loudly chants.
SHARON Drill baby drill! Drill baby dill! Drill baby drill! Drill baby drill! Drill baby drill!
This continues until the beer can is emptied and then the can. Extends her hand to Sharon.
KAREN
Smokestack.
Sharon hands her the cigarette and Karen takes abig long drag and exhales.
(satisfied)
Oh god I needed that.
SHARON
Champagne is for pussies.
KAREN This party is murder. If I have to smile through another inane conversation about nannies and housekeepers I’m going to fucking kill myself.
SHARON Jesus, I got cornered by Bill Sotheby as he yackitty yacked about his goddamn boat again.I don’t give a shit that you sail it back and forth from South Hampton to Nantucket everyyear and the last thing I’d want to do is take that godforsaken trip with you. I’ll send my husband and hope you both get scurvy or something.
KAREN Oh! Did you know Bill’s wife is sleeping with their lady dentist?
SHARON
You’re kidding.
KAREN
I’m not.
SHARON
That’s amazing.
KAREN
I know.
SHARON (realizing) Oh my god. They just went to the Restoring Honor rally.
KAREN
Shut up.
SHARON
They did.
KAREN
Fucking hypocrites.
SHARON
I know.
KAREN
Well at least she is.
SHARON I feel kinda bad now. I wonder if he has any idea.
KAREN Does it make you wanna go out on his boat?
SHARON
No.
KAREN Then fuck him. Did you wanna get one of these in? We’re running out of time here.
SHARON
Oh god yes. Gimme the drill.
Karen gives her the shake weight.
Prep the well.
Karen stabs a beer can and hands it to her.
KAREN
Done.
SHARON
Ready?
KAREN
Ready.
SHARON
Let’s go.
The process of shotgunning and shaking fromearlier is repeated.
KAREN Drill baby drill! Drill baby dill! Drill baby drill! Drill baby drill! Drill baby drill!
The can is emptied and Karen extends her hand to Sharon.
Smokestack.
She takes a long, satisfying drag.
Oh thank you thank you.
SHARON Sorry to cut it short baby but we gotta get going.
Sharon puts her shoes on.
KAREN
Oh all right fine.

Karen puts her shoes on as well. Sharon puts away all the accessories.
SHARON
Gimme the glasses.
Karen hands her the two champagne flutes. She cracks another beer and pours it into the two glasses.
Here.
KAREN
Thanks. How do I look?
SHARON
Tragic. Me?
KAREN
Barely hanging on.
SHARON
Good. Shall we?
KAREN
We shall.
They toast and head out.
SHARON (calling off.) I hope you boys have been good . . .
END

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