MICHELLE is in a business suit, wearing a headset.  She may seem completely in control at first, but she’s not.

REBECCA is also dressed professionally.  SHE is ostensibly MICHELLE’S assistant.  But she’s not.

MICHELLE

Hold the ball.

REBECCA

What?

MICHELLE

Hold the ball.  We need to keep 2011 going another few minutes.

REBECCA

We can’t just hold the ball.  There are a billion people out there freezing to death just waiting for those 10 seconds.  And thousands of billions more watching on TV…

MICHELLE

We have a problem.  We’re not ready. 

REBECCA

What’s the problem?

MICHELLE

Have you noticed that the 2012 calendars haven’t come out yet?

REBECCA

No.  I mean, we’ve been so focused on tonight…

MICHELLE

Well, the calendars haven’t come out because they’re not ready.  The days are only lined up through December 21st right now.  I am NOT launching 2012 until all 365 days are accounted for.

REBECCA

What are you talking about?

MICHELLE

The days.  For 2012.  We don’t have agreement from everyone involved.  We’ve had a long-term contract with the Mayans, but it’s about to run out.  So we were going to try moving to the Incan calendar, but it turns out they can’t count for shit. 

REBECCA

What?  Oh, I get it.  Sweetie, there’s always the Aztec calendar.  You’ll be fine.

MICHELLE

Oh, did I say 365 days?  That’s another problem: we need to cover February 29th.  Thursday was going to do it, but that would mean two Thursdays in a row, so… wait, did you just call me “Sweetie”?

REBECCA

But the days… we know what they’re going to be.  They already have their places in the calendar.

MICHELLE

We don’t know anything until the whole year is set.  The days don’t arrange themselves, REBECCA. they all have their demands. different religions different Sabbaths, just so different weekend days could feel important?  Now Monday’s threatening to hold out unless everyone agrees to stop with the Monday clichés.  I say fine, take the year off, we’ll just have Sundays go 12 extra hours and Tuesdays start 12 hours early.  But is the extra time part of the weekend?  You can see why we’re not ready, right?  My bosses are going to kill me.

REBECCA

Your bosses?  You don’t have bosses, you’re in school, remember?

MICHELLE

My boss Julian?  And Gregory?  [pause]  I haven’t had a launch this complicated since 2000.  February wanted to move to the Fall because it thought January would be sick with this Y2K bug.  We were at a total impasse.  At 11:32 on New Years Eve, I finally got February to let me vaccinate it.  I used a mild strain that we still had around from the Y1K plague.  I mean, really. 

REBECCA

This isn’t real.  We need to drop the ball, sweetie.

MICHELLE

Why are you calling me that?  Look, I know we’ve grown somewhat close over the years, but this is business.  You don’t get to launch 2012 by being soft.  [Phone rings.]  Hold on, it’s Wednesday calling.  [MICHELLE takes a call.]  Hello, 2012 command center.  What?  You want to be part of the WEEKEND?  [to REBECCA]  Just because it’s the day of Mercury doesn’t mean it has to be all moody.  [to phone]  You’re a working day, Wednesday.  I can give you the occasional Tuesday off, but that’s it.  No, you cannot have Wednesdays off too.  That’s ridiculous. [REBECCA has retrieved an envelope from the side of the stage.  SHE hands it to MICHELLE, who opens it and reads the letter inside.]  I can’t give you Christmas, no.  Maybe in 2013.  [to REBECCA, holding the letter.]  The Mayans agreed to extend through the end of the year!  So assuming Monday’s bluffing… [to phone] Uh-huh [to REBECCA] … that means we just have to convince Wednesday and we’re all set. 

REBECCA

I think you’re going about this all wrong.

MICHELLE

Hold on sec.  [to REBECCA]  Excuse me?

REBECCA

I think you’re going about this all wrong.  Wednesday’s a great day.  Let me talk to it, sweetie.

MICHELLE

DO NOT CALL ME THAT.  That is not your pet name for me.  I don’t know why you even have a pet name for me, and I can’t remember what it is, but that is not it.  [to phone]  Wednesday, I’m going to put you on speaker, someone here wants to talk to you.

REBECCA

Wednesday it’s a huge honor.  You’re totally my favorite day and you have been since I was a little kid.  I was born on a… one of… you, and I think you’re totally dreamy.  I look forward to you all week.  OK, here we go:

[REBECCA sings a song about Wednesday.  While REBECCA is singing, MICHELLE goes off stage.  SHE changes into pajamas and returns to the stage, where we find her waking up.  SHE screams.]

REBECCA

Wake up.

MICHELLE

I just had the strangest dream.  I don’t really remember what…  we weren’t going to be able to, to start the next year unless I figured something out. And I was responsible for coordinating everything.  I mean, like, everything that was going to happen all year.  And I was trying to get rid of a few days for some reason.  Like, not let them happen. 

And I was all uptight, and you came in and… and you sang this song.  And I didn’t know if you were being serious or joking, I didn’t know if you were making fun of me or helping me, but you were so… luminous.  You fixed everything.  I don’t know what it all—

REBECCA

It’s almost the anniversary, love.

MICHELLE

Oh my G-d, that’s it.  I didn’t even realize.  How stupid of me.

REBECCA

No.  I think it’s good that you’re not thinking about the date like you used to. 

MICHELLE

January 2nd. 

REBECCA

I know.  [REBECCA mouths this in response to every sentence.]

MICHELLE

It was a Monday.  The worst day of my life. 

REBECCA

I know.

MICHELLE

No.  I, um… I hated Mondays after that.  11:32pm.  I hated… nights.  I could be anywhere and it would turn 11:00 and I would tense up.  I hated January for so many years.  I hated winter.  When it would turn cold, I know it was coming.  And I still hate the date. 

REBECCA

I know.  You’ve reclaimed so much of it, though.  That day doesn’t get to be his forever.  It belongs to you.  All the days belong to you. 

MICHELLE

I don’t want that day.

REBECCA

But you only get so many, love. 

MICHELLE

What time is it?

REBECCA

4:32.

MICHELLE

It’s Monday?

REBECCA

It’s just a name, love.  [MICHELLE is perplexed]  Monday’s just a name.  Just some letters we’ve strung together to try to organize ourselves. 

MICHELLE

I never thought of it that way.

REBECCA

Same thing’s true for January 2nd.  It’s just a bunch of letters. 

MICHELLE

And a number.

REBECCA

Which is also made of letters

MICHELLE

[Nods.] I have a feeling that this year is going to be better.

REBECCA

Well if anyone deserves that, it’s you.

MICHELLE

It’s you.  [pause]  I mean, I wanted the calendar to stop.  In the dream.  I didn’t want it to turn to 2012.

REBECCA

I know.

MICHELLE

It’s selfish.

REBECCA

No.  Besides, you wouldn’t like it if time stopped.  You’d be so cold.  And you’re scared of the dark.

MICHELLE

Is that what it would be like if time stopped?  Cold and dark?

REBECCA

Yeah.  I’ve looked into it too, you know.

MICHELLE

Looked into it, like stared?  Or like, researched?

REBECCA

I don’t know if I’d call it research.  More like guessing.  Guessing and acknowledging that I’m a tiny little bit terrified.  And also a little excited about what will happen if time doesn’t stop.  And it hasn’t stopped yet.  Not once.  At least not long enough that I noticed.

MICHELLE

As we go two by two into the great abyss at the end of the world, I get you, ok?

REBECCA

Every day of the week.

MICHELLE

Even Wednesday?

REBECCA

Even Wednesday.

[sound of crowd counting down begins, gets louder]

MICHELLE

Monday too?

REBECCA

Monday too.

MICHELLE

January 2nd?

REBECCA

Even January 2nd.  Especially January 2nd.

[THEY go through days and dates as the lights fade. 

Countdown continues down to 1.]

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