JOSH is the protagonist, generally.
KATE is the love interest, generally. And sometimes the protagonist.
LAUREN is the trusty friend, generally.
BRENT is a voice-over, mostly, although he’s on stage like the rest of ‘em.
[KATE and JOSH are playing video games, KATE
and LAUREN somewhere discussing things, then
KATE and JOSH playing again]
KATE
You’re my best friend, Jeff.
JOSH
You’re the friendliest friend I have, Casey
BRENT
Jeff and Casey were best friends.
LAUREN
Why aren’t you and Jeff dating again?
KATE
Jeff! He lives in his mom’s basement—
LAUREN
So do you!
KATE
And plays video games 12 hours a day.
LAUREN
So do you. With him!
KATE
Your friendship means more to me than any other relationship that I could possibly have, Jeff.
JOSH
Whatever the friend equivalent of fucking each other brains out, that’s what I want to do with you all the time, Casey.
BRENT
Everything was great, until one day…
JOSH
We beat the level!
KATE
We beat the level! You rescued the princess!
BRENT
… she started to see him differently…
KATE
Now what do we do? || I don’t think he sees me that way. I’m just a bunch of pixels to him.
LAUREN
Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
KATE
[all over JOSH] I was thinking if you got a 1 UP we could hit pause and press reset on—
JOSH
Not now, I’m about to beat the boss.
LAUREN
He knows you don’t really get 30 lives, right?
BRENT
… and her characters gave her an idea…
KATE
If only I could re-program one of his games to be about us…
LAUREN
That would get his attention.
BRENT
…for how to bring their relationship to… The Next Level.
KATE
Hey, I just got this new game, let’s try it.
JOSH
The Legend of Casey? Sure, why not?
BRENT
The Next Level. This summer, find out what it takes to beat the game.
[break]
Abe “Sweetwater” Mendehlson was the best corner man in the business.
JOSH
[KATE boxing] Give ‘im the cul-de-sac! Give ‘im the appleseed!
BRENT
He thought he’d seen it all, until one day, he met his biggest challenge.
JOSH
[KATE jumping rope] A girl boxer? No potatoes.
KATE
Give me a chance, Sweetwater.
JOSH
People sayin’ on the champ.
BRENT
[as ring announcer. LAUREN is boxing.] In the red corner, wearing black trunks, hailing from East Brunswick, New Jersey, with 18 victories, 17 by knockout… the undisputed middleweight champion of the world…
JOSH
[taking KATE through boxing training] Beat the champ got to light the lamp. Grind the hipsaw! Eat it up and look it down.
BRENT
And along the way, the man who trained 9 champion boxers learned the toughest lesson of all…
KATE
I can’t.
JOSH
You can!
BRENT
…. how to open his heart.
JOSH
[in match] Ya cheek’s swelled shut.
KATE
Cut it, Sweetwater, cut it!
JOSH
How, now!
BRENT
[ring announcer, KATE and LAUREN at end of match] And the third and final judge scores the bout at 115-112 in favor of the winner…
KATE
You’re the only one who believed in me, Sweetwater.
JOSH
Wasn’t 40 years near us I’d raise ya up on the turnbuckles!
BRENT
They overcame a generational difference…
KATE
Oh Sweetwater.
JOSH
You the sauce in my meatball soup.
BRENT
… and a seemingly-insurmountable language barrier…
KATE
If only, Sweetwater…
BRENT
… to take on the world. Sayin’ on the Champ: The Sweetwater Mendelsohn Story. Coming this Fall.
[break]
BRENT
Vivian Bacon had been on thousands of blind dates…
KATE
I only know what he looks like from his profile picture… brown hair, kind of skinny, silly looking…
JOSH
[bartender] Haven’t seen him.
BRENT
… until one day…
KATE
[Discovering body] Oh my G-d.
LAUREN
Tragic news tonight: the silent barroom killer has claimed a new victim. Wayward blimps. Snake venom. And tonight a deadly new concern that’s left the online dating community stunned…
BRENT
… she went from innocent single woman…
JOSH
[detective] How well did you know the deceased, Ms. Bacon?
KATE
We hadn’t met yet, I—
BRENT
… to prime suspect. From the writer of Suckers Everywhere and the director of Most Memorable Epocha comes a story so chilling, you’ll never go to a bar alone to meet a total stranger in a desperate attempt to stave off loneliness again.
LAUREN
How long were you two together?
KATE
This was going to be our first date.
BRENT
Two-time Emmy winner Emma Winter
LAUREN
Why does everyone you’re about to meet wind up dead?
KATE
He saw me come in!
BRENT
Two-time Tony nominee Tony Nomnee…
JOSH
[as detective] Who saw you come in, Ms. Bacon? [bartender is gone]
LAUREN
Another victim tonight, an innocent single guy who clicked on the wrong profile.
BRENT
And Jenna Panther as Vivian Bacon.
KATE
I can’t explain it, I just—
BRENT
If you see her profile, don’t…
JOSH
I know you’re innocent!
BRENT
… click…
KATE
You’re the only one who believes me!
BRENT
… twice.
LAUREN
[pause] Click twice?
BRENT
You know, double-click?
LAUREN
You don’t really have to do that anymore.
BRENT
Oh. Huh.… This Friday, online dating gets even more dangerous. AOL Keyword: bacon
[break]
[KATE kicks ass]
LAUREN
What can you tell me about Agent Markson?
BRENT
The CIA trained her to be a killing machine…
JOSH
Agent Markson is unstoppable. Best partner I ever had. I’ve seen her kill with double entendres. She’s several standard deviations above the mean in intelligence, acumen, and gratitude. [KATE snaps LAUREN’S neck.]
BRENT
She killed in peace, until one day, she discovered a secret… [BRENT whispers a secret to KATE, who’s shocked] and DON’T tell anybody.… that made her a liability.
JOSH
She had her Achilles’ heel surgically removed as a child and she can bobsled uphill. I trust her with my life. Why are you asking?
LAUREN
Agent Markson has gone rogue. You’re the only one who can bring her in. And Agent Jax, don’t let your feelings for her get in the way.
JOSH
Feelings? We had a completely platonic relationship, per protocol, of course.
KATE
[Car chase. LAUREN chases KATE. JOSH chases LAUREN.] They set me up.
LAUREN
She knows too much.
KATE
They betrayed me.
JOSH
That’s what they’re saying about you.
KATE
Follow the money.
LAUREN
Things exploding.
KATE
You have to believe me.
JOSH
You’re in too deep.
LAUREN
Helicopters!
KATE
The Russians.
JOSH
They’re coming for you, Agent Markson. This is your last chance.
BRENT
This summer, the world’s sexiest most dangerous roguiest CIA agent…
KATE
It’s not what you think.
BRENT
and the one man who believed in her—
JOSH
You can trust me, Agent Mark—
LAUREN
Stop it. This is ridiculous. I’m tired of giving you the same advice or trying to get you to do the right thing. Look, she was perfect for you in that video game movie. You solved the barroom killer mystery. When the CIA framed her, you got to the bottom of it. And you coached her to the women’s boxing championship.
BRENT
Spoiler alert. Jesus.
LAUREN
It is always previews with you. You two get into these ridiculous situations, and you think that everything’s going to play out like some pitch-perfect script. But then there’s another preview, another setting, another character, and you’re no closer to where you want to be. You’re never going to get to the feature. Guys, this is it.
BRENT
In a world where previews—
LAUREN
Give us a minute, will you? Stop reinventing yourselves. Stop creating obstacles in hopes of a dramatic ending. There’s something going on between you two. Face it. Will one of you make a move?
BRENT
In a world of missed opportunities—
JOSH
FINE! Jessica. Let’s… let’s go see a movie, what do you say? [THEY start to exit]
KATE
I don’t know, we’ve been through so much as friends, and—
LAUREN
Hey. Get over it.
KATE
[relenting] That sounds lovely. What should we see?
JOSH
I saw this preview the other day for this movie about two friends who were big video game nerds… [They’re gone]
LAUREN
[Looks around] OK. Good. Our work is done. [Starts to exit.]
BRENT
Wait…
LAUREN
Yes?
BRENT
Uh… never mind. Goodnight. [SHE exits. HE looks after her as lights fade.]
Art and Music in Our Souls 