The MINOTAUR is half-man, half-beast
SUE is a ghost
PACMAN is hungry. Really hungry. And very scared.
[PACMAN enters, out of breath. HE’s holding a
ball. SUE enters from opposite side. THEY circle
each other. When she gets close, he threatens to eat
the ball]
SUE
Hey, relax… we’re behind the maze.
PACMAN
Did you see that thing?
SUE
What thing?
PACMAN
That beast out there.
SUE
You’re not talking about Inky, are you? I’m sicka you insulting my cousin Inky!
PACMAN
And something’s different about the maze.
SUE
I know, I thought Blinky finally put up the wall I’ve been asking for. I wanted ‘im to make a private room, so’s you and me could get some time alone.
PACMAN
Ever since that kid beat all 256 levels, something’s been different. The paths are different. And now that thing is there…
SUE
You’re different. We used to chase you all over the place, and you’d eat your pellets and run away from us like we had the plague or somethin’. You’ve been all wound up and now you’re imagining some scary monsters!
PACMAN
The maze has been the same for 30 years. And now we’ve seen every last bit of it. But it’s changing somehow.
SUE
Pacman, stop philosophizing! Why don’t you come over here and get close to me. We’re off the maze, no one’ll see…
PACMAN
I always wondered what would happened if someone got through all the levels.
SUE
You’ve never wondered about me? My big ghost eyes? My coy but relentless pursuit? We could be great together, Pacman…
PACMAN
Sue, that’s not what I do. Millions of people count on me for entertainment. I’m not programmed for someone like you. Besides, you and your stupid cousins are constantly trying to kill me.
SUE
It’s just a game, Pacman. And besides, I get nervous. I’m not even orange, see? I just blush when you get close.
PACMAN
It’s not a game. Not to me. It’s what I do. I eat.
SUE
You could take me out to dinner! I’m sorry we’re always chasing ya. It’s natural. We can’t control our urges sometimes. It’s my destiny to chase ya. And besides, I can’t help but think that there’s more –
PACMAN
Sue. How many times do I have to tell you? Sure, I wonder sometimes. Especially since that kid beat the game. But this is my destiny. Besides, I’m starving. But that beast….
SUE
Oh, how bad could he be, Pacman? You can gobble him right up.
PACMAN
We’ve got to get him out of the maze. I’m seriously getting hungry.
SUE
Eat a power pellet. You always get so brave when you eat a power pellet. It’s the only time you come near me. We could go places if you ate a power pellet. [PACMAN starts to exit.] Oh Pacman, don’t go. If that thing you’re talkin’ about leaves the maze and comes back here I’m done for!
PACMAN
This is ridiculous. This is my world! I’m going to go get something to eat. [exits, immediately returns] Oh boy. [immediately leaves through other exit.]
MINOTAUR
[Enters.] Oh, Sue… still chasing the Pacman, I see.
SUE
Boy oh boy, he is hideous. What gives, monster? Who are you anyways?
MINOTAUR
Who am I? Well, I’m a prince, I suppose. My mother was the queen of some remote island, blah blah blah. [PACMAN enters from other side.] Oh THERE you are. How’s life, running around the same maze all the time?
SUE
Pacman, do something!
MINOTAUR
Do you ever think there’s more to life than eating?
PACMAN
Yes but… wait, who are you?
MINOTAUR
Who am I? I’m a beast. Or, or, I’m a man. I’m a beast inside a man. I’m the moral to someone else’s story. I’m the consequence of someone else’s mistake. [HE starts rearranging the walls on stage, creating new paths, blocking others.] I’m the 800-pound half-man half-bull in the room that no one wants to talk about.
SUE
Let’s get outta here, Pacman!
MINOTAUR
Don’t interrupt me. I haven’t interrupted you all these years you’ve been idly running from ghosts or vainly chasing this clown, who’s one slice short of a pie. And now that I have your attention, I’m going to tell you a story.
You see once there was this king. And, and, that king was my dad, or, or, he should’ve been my dad. But my dad, or the guy who should’ve been my dad, had this bull, a beautiful white bull that he got from the so-called “god-of-the-sea”. The king – my almost-dad –had promised to kill this bull, as a sacrifice. But he didn’t. Why not? Because he liked it. He thought the bull was beautiful.
And then there’s me.
You know why I’m here? I’m here because this so-called “god-of-the-sea” got mad. He got mad because my dad, or, the guy who should’ve been my dad, didn’t kill the white bull like he’d promised. So, so this “god-of-the-sea” made my mom fall in love with this bull… completely in love. He imposed a love on her.
So you know what my mom, my mom the queen did? She fucked the bull. She fucked it. She fucked it and 9 months later had me. Or, or whatever the gestation period is when you fuck a bull and have its baby. So I come along, half-man, half-bull. And my dad, or the guy who should’ve been my dad, felt bad. So he put me in a labyrinth under his castle, and fed me children. They couldn’t find their way out because they were tiny and stupid and the labyrinth was too tricky for them. What’s your excuse, Pacman?
So that’s me. I’m greed, I’m lust, I’m wrath, I’m pride, I’m envy all rolled into one malformed beast. All because of other people’s bad behavior.
But you, you’re also a poster child for sin. Pellets, pellets, all day long. Gluttony, oh, the gluttony. But it’s not fate, it’s your choice… unless, unless… unless you too have questionable parentage. Maybe a hungry hungry hippo fucked a wheel of cheese… and you came out. And now you’re here for good.
PACMAN
How do you know how long I’ll be here? But while I am here, I just go about my business without bothering anyone.
MINOTAUR
Now you’re talking. Sloth, the seventh sin…
SUE
You don’t know what he can do! You haven’t seen him taking sharp turns, tricking Blinky into going the wrong way, eating those pellets so fast. He can do anything he wants!
MINOTAUR
Ha! You’ve been running around the same maze for 30 years now, Pacman. And – you – have – made – no – progress. The same walls, the same pellets, the same ghosts chasing you through your entire world. A maze, a simple maze. You know the difference between a maze and a labyrinth? A maze is for fun. It’s kids’ stuff. It’s a lark, something you solve with a pencil. A labyrinth is for keeps. You’d rather just play games. So let’s make this a labyrinth. What does it matter for you, as long as you have some pellets and a place to run around like a fool.
PACMAN
What do you care if I spend all my time eating?
MINOTAUR
No one cares. No – one. The kids today, they want to be closer to the action. They play first-person shooter games. You, you’re a third-person… eater game. Where’s the fun in that?
SUE
I think he’s cute, the way he turns those corners with his giant yellow mouth flapping everywhere. What do you know, anyway bull-man?
MINOTAUR
As for me, all I know is that I know nothing. You think you have it all figured out. And you do, in your little tiny world. But I’m making this my world. I own you now.
PACMAN
It’s been our world for 30 years. How’d you even get in here?
MINOTAUR
Oh, you could say I’ve been here all along. You’ve noticed me but always been able to push me to the back of your mind. I can see I’m getting to you, Pacman. You can’t keep running from those ghosts your whole life. I’ve rearranged the paths, made it more fun. But you’ve never been one to challenge yourself. Never been one to look a ghost in the eye. I don’t know what’s haunting you, Pacman… but you do. You know. But you’d rather eat pellets your whole life and –
[PACMAN suddenly lunges for SUE. THEY kiss. SUE is shocked at first, then excited. THEY finally separate and, after a moment, PACMAN spins around and dies.]
MINOTAUR
NOW we’re getting somewhere.
SUE
Oh, someone put another quarter in, quick!
PACMAN
[Gets up, dusts himself off. HE is at peace.] It’s OK. I’m done. Maybe there’s another kid waiting out there with a quarter. Maybe not. But I’m done. You’re right, Sue: we get swept up in our destinies. [HE ties string to something, circles offstage and back on, with the string tracing his steps.] One day I have this tasty ball for dinner, I get hooked, next thing you know, I’m trapped in a maze and hunted by ghosts. And I’m still eating those pellets. [MINOTAUR and SUE don’t know what to make of this.] I can’t get enough. But I’m not in control: I can be dead asleep and someone will wake me up and send me into the maze, and I just eat and eat and eat. The beast is right. I’m a minstrel. Pop in a quarter, and I go. And people think I’m a hero? Because I have a big mouth and an insatiable appetite?
I’m free, Sue. I mean… those balls, they’re delicious. And I could eat power pellets for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day of my life. You’ve been chasing me for years. I’ve been running away.
SUE
It’s not my fault, Pacman, it’s destin—
PACMAN
I know. [HE starts off, then moves towards MINOTAUR, and kills HIM.] But I won’t be controlled by it any more.
Come with me.
SUE
I don’t know if I can!
PACMAN
We can. [THEY start to exit. PACMAN offers SUE a piece of his power pellet. Maybe SHE tries it. HE leaves the rest and exits.]
[BLACKOUT.]
Art and Music in Our Souls 