Garra Rufa Loofa
The setting: a bustling bistro that offers pedicures on the hippest street you know. Zehra and Carlye are sitting alone with a cube or table to their right. There is an empty chair and table between them.There is some pretty cool music playing, like what you would hear at a high end salon. They each have a small artfully prepared snack and a drink. There is a menu on the fourth wall that they are studying with varying degrees of interest. Maybe one has a magazine or a book. They are all dressed in shabby chiq. They are being waited on by an invisible yet very attractive young man.
Carlye: (smiles. speaks to the man boy) Yes. Thank you. Lovely.
Zehra: (The man boy is coming. She smiles) Hi Jeremy! How are you? Wonderful! You just getting on then?… I just got off, myself… yes, from work… ha haaaa! You! I should be fine… yes. This shinzou tea leaf infused tart is lovely. If I stay hungry I’ll let you know. But! I will take the Garra Rufa Loofa. I am intrigued… Yes, Jeremy… Will you be doing it?…What?… oh hohohooooooooooi! Jeremy! You!
Carlye: (She has been taking all this in. Waves her hand. Clears her throat. Laughs coyly) I overheard you two speaking. Jeremy, I don’t see that on the board… is this???
Zehra: (quietly, but loud enough) Oh Jeremy, she doesn’t know does she. This is nice. This is really nice. (Full voiced) No it’s not on the “board”. It’s a little secret menu item they have here. It’s illegal. Ridiculously expensive. But I’ve heard there is nothing like it.
Carlye: (Starts to lose interest half-way through Zehra’s speech. Makes exasperated eyes at Jeremy… they fade into a bit of lust.) Tell me Jeremy… how does it work?… Turkish?… Far east… psoriasis (Rubs her elbo)… really?… how much then?… oh is that it?… yes, yes… perfect… oh and another lychee… you got it. Yes. Thank you. Lovely.
Zehra: Oh and Jeremy A Plooft Zinfandel… The 93… You!
Carlye: And one of those… Shinzou Tea Leaf infused Tarts
Zehra: Nothing. It’s just that since you sat down you’ve been ordering everything that I… forget it. Youu… (Opens her book or mag or phone)
Carlye: Really? Is that what you think?
(Zehra ignores shaking her head)
Carlye: You think I’m after your “style”?
(Zehra exhales loudly, smiles an in-genuine smile, reaches into her bag and grabs headphones. Awkward silence. Both stew a bit. They are about to tear into each other. When Jessica walks in with sunglasses on. Her energy is bigger and more random than theirs. She throws her bags on and around the middle chair area. She walks to the board, stretches and taps her 3rd eye. The ladies watch this with anger and amazement!)
Jessica: (As a mantra) I am I am I am I am I am I am. Ah ah ah ah. (She looks off to where Jeremy has just gone back to. She looks intently. She see’s him and claps) Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Jeeerrreeeeemy! Love! This is nice! This is really nice! (She runs off to embrace him) Well look at you… Such nice looking hair… well I haven’t seen you in… yes 3 weeks…. when we were… that was embarrasing… I didn’t mean to end up there with you… I know… I was screaming!… I was all FUUUUUUUCK!… yes… crazy sexy stupid times… I know, I know you have to work… (a long kiss sound) I’m gonna be at the # 2… the second one. And bring me the Garra Rufa Loofa. Yeah, I’m finally gonna do it. (She comes back to her chair and settles in. Shutters a bit out of lusty happiness. Closes her eyes. Exhales loudly. Shutters again. Closes her eyes and settles in.)
(Zehra and Carlye look at her. They look at each other and start having a silent conversation with each other. Whispery silent so there is plenty of gesticulation.)
Carlye: OMG! LOL! WTF!
Zehra: WTF is right! What a mess! I was just gonna give you a piece of my mind but now…
Carlye: I know! You are pretty bad but this is like…
Zehra: I know! You are just like a horrible yelp following Sex in the City type but….
Carlye: I know! She must be all… new age polyamorous fucking fucking machine… nothing bothers me.(imitating Jessica) “Get with me and my friends Jeremy I don’t care. This is how I get men because I have no self confidence”
Zehra: Exactly. Right?!? (imitating Jessica) “I haven’t seen you in… I didn’t mean to end up there with you… I know… I was screaming!… I was all FUUUUUUUCK! (exagerated screaming session too loud)… yes… crazy sexy stupid times… I know, I know ….”
Wait, I’m pretty bad?
Carlye: Yeah. I’m sorry. But Yelp following Sex in the City lover??? Oh the lychee? I happen to like lychee and vodka! You actually might not be as bad as her. I can actually see what she’s all about. She’s a socially sexual misfit with an odd sense of style but you… you’re…
Zehra: What am I? What? Say it? I agree. I actually kind of admire her but you… you’re…
Jessica: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Standing and separating them somehow physically keeping them apart with one hand on each of them). Now now. Shh. Shh. Shhshhhhhhhh! OK ok. I accept all of your pain and insecurity. I get you. Your underlying failure. Ffffffffailure. Shhhh. I am rather upset with both of you, especially since I wasn’t ASLEEP. But my shit right now is real and my fear is real and it will make me crazy if you don’t fucking be calm. I need you both to put aside your differences to be in the room with me. Now hug!
(They do. They return to their seats. They all take their shoes off and prepare for their pedicures. Jeremy return and gives Jessica her treatment bowl first. Imagine it covered by a towel.)
Jessica: Thank you Jeremy. Ahhhhh. I am I am I am I am I am. Ah ah ah ah.
Zehra: (referring to the bowl) Why is it covered? How does it feel?
Jessica: Not bad. Tingly.
Carlye: I am excited.
(Jeremy brings a Zehra’s)
Zehra: Oh ohhhhhhhhhhh.
Carlye: I am so excited.
(Jeremy bring’s Carlye’s)
Carlye: Oh Ohhhhhhhhh. heheheee.
Carlye: What is happening?
Jessica: Fish are eating the skin off our feet.
Zehra: No that’s illegal.
Carlye: The fuck? I fucking hate fish.
Jessica: I’m deathly afraid of fish. This is a huge step for me. (breathing). I am I am I am I am. Ah ah ah ah ah.
Zehra and Carlye: (slightly freaked out) I am I am I am Iam. Ah ah ah ah ah.
All: I am I am I am Iam. Ah ah ah ah ah.
(Group sigh… they close their eyes)
(Zehra sits up quietly, looking over at Carlye. Carlye does the same.)
Zehra: (Mouthing) I’m gonna go get a drink. I’m freaking out!
Carlye: (Mouthing) I’m fucking dying here! Let’s actually get dinner.
Zehra: Sounds great.
(they sneak off)
Jessica: Jeremy! They’re gone. Come rub my temples.