Girls Gone Green
By
Diane Karagienakos
April 4, 2013 Diane Karagienakos
28A Glover St.
San Francisco, CA 94109
415.279.8791
ACT I
CAST OF CHARACTERS
DARCY: A passionate, politially-minded college student who
wears her heart on her sleeve — a tattoo on her collarbone,
slogan or “Che” (or something to that effect) on her
oversized, long-sleeve T-shirt, etc. She is committed to
changing the world for the better through anarchy and art.
Hannah: A passionate, politially-minded college student who
exudes the understated confidence of someone who comes from
an environment where achieving goals is a given. She is
committed to changing the world for the better through
methodical planning and strategic execution.
2.
ACT I
INT — DORM ROOM, DAY
Darcy talking on her mobile phone.
DARCY
(into MOBILE PHONE)
No fucking way! When? How?… Oh fuck! Fuck It! I’m
fucked!… How the fuck should I know?… Fuck you,
thanks for calling!
Hannah enters with a SUITCASE, looks around; she
may as well have entered another galaxy. Oblivious
to Hannah’s entrance, Darcy goes to throw/smash
her phone on the ground, thinks twice, and instead
sets it on the ground and smothers it to death
with a THROW PILLOW.
HANNAH
Excuse me… Hi!
DARCY
Who the fuck are you?!?
HANNAH
Hi, I’m Hannah, I’m your new roommate, I’m replacing…
DARCY
Lisa, that fucking princess got a single. You need to
help me.
HANNAH
Sure. Whatever you need. And you are…
DARCY
I am fucked if you don’t help me Darcy. I’m Darcy.
HANNAH
What do you need, Darcy?
DARCY
It’s Earth Day, and I have planned a campus flash mob
in half an hour for my Environmental Sustainability
thesis.
HANNAH
Wait. A flash mob is is your thesis for your
Environmental Sustai…
DARCY
Actually I’m a dual major. I’m getting an MFA in
Performance as well, but you look like you’d relate
more to the MBA than MFA pitch.
3.
HANNAH
Do I?
DARCY
Yeah, no biggie. Look, my friend who was supposed to be
taping this just got thrown in fucking jail at an
Occupy Earth event. So you need to record it. I’ll show
you the routine real quick. The most important thing is
I’m going to start with this…
Darcy does a most unnatural spin that ends in a
Wonder
Woman-arms-crossed-across-her-chest-fists-at-chin-level
pose.
DARCY
That’s the cue for the rest of the mob to begin. So you
need to watch me and just make sure you’re rolling and
keep the shot wide. Here’s the rest.
Darcy performs an over-reaching, graceless
interpretive dance to lyrics sung to to the tune
of the chorus of “Life Is A Rock.”
DARCY
Earth is a rock, but the internet rolled me. Gotta
clean it up faster, Woody Harrelson told me. Earth is a
rock, but the internet rolled me. On Monsanto’s
conscience, lies a poisoned dead bee.
HANNAH
I should tell you why I’m here, Darcy. I mean, besides
saving your flash mob?
DARCY
Can we talk about that later? We need to position
ourselves.
HANNAH
You are right, I’m working on my MBA, coincidentally in
Environmental Management. I also have an internship.
With Monsanto.
DARCY
How can you?
HANNAH
What? How can I what?
DARCY
How can you support them? Do you know how much harm
they do to our planet?
4.
HANNAH
I know a lot more than you do about them, trust me.
DARCY
Doubt it, you’re going to work for them.
HANNAH
No, Darcy, I’m going to learn from them. While you
“dance” to an insipid seventies tune where the only
thing you might possibly achieve is going viral — and
not for the reasons you’d like…
DARCY
Fuck you. My dance is honest.
HANNAH
It’s lame. I am going to learn the innerworkings of a
corporation so that one day I will have the tools I
need to take them down from the inside.
DARCY
I’m an artist, not a dancer. Like you know anything
about dance anyhow.
HANNAH
Actually…
DARCY
I’ll bet you were a cheerleader! C’mon, girl! “Bring It
On!”
HANNAH
You asked for it.
Hannah performs an amazingly beautiful
modern/ballet dance to a beautifully sung
variation of the same song. Darcy is leveled.
Life is a rock, but Monsanto rolled me. Pesticides
cause autism, Rachel Maddow told me. Life is a rock,
but Monsato rolled me. By the time that I’m through
with them, I can changed history.
DARCY
Whoa. You totally don’t look like…
HANNAH
I already have an MFA in Dance, I don’t feel the need
to have it tattooed on my clavicle.
DARCY
Fuck you, I have a greater than average need to express
myself.
5.
HANNAH
You really think you’re going to change these guys with
flash mobs and occupies and your tattoos and your
slogan T-shirts and bumperstickers?
DARCY
We’re creating awareness in a social media-obsessed…
HANNAH
Which is great But the people you want to change just
laugh at you. Trust me, my brother is one of them.
DARCY
Ewwwww…
HANNAH
No, he’s cool, He’s on retainer with Dow Chemical. He’s
taught me that the only way to change anything is from
the inside.
DARCY
How can you stand being there?
HANNAH
Eye on the prize. I’m learning how things work, getting
inside their heads, mastering their language. One day,
I take them down. At the risk of sounding naively
idealistic.
DARCY
I don’t think you sound naively idealistic.
HANNAH
That’s because you are naively idealistic.
DARCY
I just know this is what I live to do. I’m an artist
with a performance artpiece about to fucking start!
There are a lot of people out there today helping me
achieve my vision. My thesis.
HANNA
Of course I’ll help, but one request, let me lead the
mob, you record it. Less chance of snarky Youtube
comments left by anonymous eunuchs if the person
leading a mob of dancers can actually dance — in a
more conventionally manner.
DARCY
Yeah it’s probably best since now I have to fucking
edit it as well.
6.
HANNAH
I’ll call my sister real quick, she can probably get us
online coverage by CNN, MSNBC, and FOXNEWS. She’s
pretty high on the media foodchain. What’s your number?
Darcy picks up her phone and enters the numbers.
HANNAH
four one five, three two two, three five one four.
DARCY
I’m afraid to even ask who your family is. Your mark is
on the fountain in the courtyard.
HANNAH
Which side?
DARCY
facing south. I’ll be on the balcony of the Bridge
Cafe, make sure you face me the whole time.
HANNAH
Can you blur out my face when you edit it?
DARCY
I guess, why?
Hannah whips off her cardigan to reveal a tattoo
at the base of her tailbone.
HANNAH
Meet my dirty little secret. I almost never let it out
to play in broad daylight.
DARCY
I thought you were against…
HANNAH
Location, location, location.
Darcy whips off her baggy T-shirt, wearing a wife
beater. Her arms are covered in tattoos.
DARCY
Fuck you, let’s go!
They both run offstage in opposite directions.

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