Featuring Tim Meehan and Jessica Risco

INT. City apartment building, day.


HOPE: A woman with a long list of modern-day problems and
reasons to be dissatisfied with her comfortable life: She
feels fat. Her dating prospects are not to her standards.
She detests the fact that she has to work. lives in full
perfect makeup and too much real, expensive jewelry at all
SVEN: A mysterious personal yoga / meditation therapist and
life coach. He has the best reputation in town, and he
charges plenty for his services.

Hope on her mobile phone, wears a stylish,
expensive (though slightly too tight) matching
yoga ensemble.

Just waiting for the yogi life coach zen master,
whatever the fuck he’s called, the one that Fran
referred… Yeah, that one, he’s supposed to be
amazing. He makes you sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Well, clearly I’ll try anything at this point, after
the shitshow my life has been the past five years. God
I feel so fat in this… Yeah, well it might be easier
to relax if I didn’t feel like I’m in sausage
Doorbell sounds.
He’s here, I gotta go. Okay, seven o’clock. Bye.
Hope opens the door to Sven, who carries an
overnight-sized bag of props, and a yoga mat.
Hi, welcome, come on in. Glad you found the place.
Hello Hope! Good to see you again. Your directions were
perfect. Would you like to to start right away?
Ready when you are, boss!
Well, first I ask my clients to put on a favorite song,
I find it centers them.
I was listening to this earlier. It was my favorite
song when I was little. It makes me happy.
Hope plays “You Are My Shining Star” on her iPhone
dock, as Sven unrolls his mat, lays it next to
Hope’s, and sets his bag down beside it. They sit
cross-legged on their respective mats.
Why don’t you give me a little background. What’s going
on in your life, what are your goals. That will give us
a starting point and an end point.
Well, my life has been a disaster the past five years.
My husband was killed by a drunk driver. It took me a
while to date after that, and when I did, it was just
awful, the men out there…
I hear that from a lot of my client’s that dating in
this town is terrible.
Terrible? Terrible? I would rather cut off my thumbs
than go on another date. I did finally meet a man, and
it took me a while to trust him, because I had this
sense… But I trust him and sure enough, turns out he
was cheating on me like there was no tomorrow.
I’m so sorry that happened. No one deserves that.
Then there’s work. I haven’t work since I got married,
but when the economy tanked I lost a fortune, turns out
my husband had made some bad investments, so I had to
find a job. Everything was fine until last week, when
my co-worker threw me under the bus to save her own
ass, since the company is making cutbacks. She was nice
as can be to my face. You know, itt’s bad enough being
betrayed by a man. But somehow being betrayed by
another woman was even worse. And that’s my life. Now
fix it!
(ackward pause)
That was a joke. Seriously, so much has been beyond my
own control. I just want to take charge of my life
Okay, Hope. The good news is that you can regain
control of your life. But it is a process. Ready?
Ready when you are.
Let’s start by taking three deep breaths, in through
the nose, out through the mouth, followed by an OM.
This will allow you to fully blossom your lotus.
Blossom my lotus? This should be interesting.
They both take three deep breathes, followed by a
collaborative OM.
Great. You might want to take off your jewelry, you’ll
be more comfortable without it. Let’s start on the mat.
Hope removes all jewelry and sets it in a pile.
Don’t forget to breathe.
Lying on his stomach, Sven does a few back
stretches on the floor. Hope copies every move and
every breath.
You’re doing great. Now we’re going use the rope as a
prop for an even deeper stretch.
Sven retrieves a rope from his bag, stands over
her(she is still lying on her stomach) and lays
the rope across her back horizontally.
Grab the rope behind your back, hands as close together
as possible. Okay lift your torso, engaging your core,
chin down. I’m going to pull on the rope to get in
really deep… Legs straight, raise them off the floor.
(Hope does as told)
Bend your knees.
(Hope does as told)
This may feel a little odd, but it is the most amazing
stretch. Just relax and breathe into it.
Sven grabs the rope between her hands and gently
pulls, more, more… then with speed and precision
he hog ties her.
This is unconventional.
Sven pulls a gun from the bag, kneels in front of
Hope,and holds it to her face.
This is robbery. And you will remain silent, or I will
silence you myself. Understood?
Goddamn you. Just don’t take my wedding ring.
Sven picks up Hope’s jewelry, focus on wedding
ring, drops it all into his bag. He rummages
through her purse, removing a wad of cash from her
Pleasure doing business with you Hope. Namaste.
Sven pulls out a cloth from the bag, gags Hope,
and leaves. Hope squims, tries to scream, then
collapses into tears, crying hard until she can
cry no more. A moment later the doorbell sounds.
Sven enters. He points the gun at Hope, she
attempts again to scream. Sven shoots… water.
It’s a water pistol. He reomves her gag and unties
You’re lucky, that was pretend. Let that be a lesson to
you. It can always get worse, so appreciate what is.
You had a rough five years. Everyone has a rough five
years at some point. But you decide whether it makes or
breaks you. You feel fat, you hate your co-worker, you
dated a prick. Move on! In the big picture, these are
not big problems, are they? Here is your jewelry back,
I’ll keep the cash as my fee. Anything you’d like to
say before I leave?
Fuck you.
Hope punches Sven with all her might in the
stomache. He doubles over.
That’s what I’m talking about! Fighting back! How did
that feel?
Really good, actually. Wow. Really fucking good!