LIES
Directed by Blake Weirs
Featuring Tim Meehan and Allison Hunter
(George does muscle poses in a mirror. Tammy meditates on a yoga mat.)
GEORGE
Back when I played triple-A ball, I pitched against Pete Rose. I struck him out. He was good, but I was better that day.
TAMMY
Foggy! Lightning!
GEORGE
Charlie Hustle they called him. Ha. He was on Carson last night after he broke the all-time hitting record.
TAMMY
Lightning! Foggy!
GEORGE
Tammy, we should really bring the television in here. Don’t you want to know what you’re missing?
TAMMY
I leave for Portland tomorrow morning, so remember to pick up Mark after school.
GEORGE
But I have a workout scheduled with my gym partner.
TAMMY
George, I’m sure your gym partner can deal with a night off. You and Mark do something together.
GEORGE
Sure, I’ll bring him to the gym.
TAMMY
Last time he sat outside in your car.
GEORGE
I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to pump iron with his old man. I told him to try out for freshman football. Kid wouldn’t be half bad looking if it wasn’t for that spare tire.
(Tammy lies back and reads a book, revealing she’s in bed. George does sit ups and push ups nearby.)
TAMMY
He’s in puberty. He’s having a real transformation. It’s a miracle of nature.
GEORGE
There’s a new station available on cable TV called The Discovery Channel. It’s science and nature programming.
TAMMY
First, the television was only for the Olympics. And then the election. Now we have four more years of Reagan and television, too?
GEORGE
You would love this Discovery Channel. They’ve got a whole week of sharks. We should subscribe to cable and get a second TV for in here. Last night David Lettermanhad this this top ten list about that thing on Gorbachev’s forehead. It was hilarious.
TAMMY
At night you watch with your gym partner/
GEORGE
/No, guys at the coffee shop were talking about it.
TAMMY
And in the afternoon Mark watches when he thinks no one knows. Now you want to watch in our bedroom?
GEORGE
No. I’ll just move it in here so fatso can’t watch it.
(George exits. Tammy writes in a journal.)
TAMMY
Top ten reasons to divorce George. Number ten. Who are they going to believe, me or you? I’m a popular guy around here, and you’re a lying sack of shit. Number nine. Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. Number Eight. You have much more hair in your nose than myDad.
(George carries in the TV, turns it on.)
GEORGE
What do you want to watch? I think the Fall Guy’s on tonight. You like that Lee Majors, right? He’s a handsome fella. Kind of a turn on, Lee Majors.
TAMMY
Is that someone I met at Fort Sam Houston at one of our parties? I could never keep those crew cuts straight.
GEORGE
For chrissake, no honey, you didn’t do him. He’s the Six Million Dollar Man. You know – da na na na, da na na na na na da da. We can rebuild. He’s a stunt man in this show.
(George settles into bed with Tammy.)
TAMMY
Watch out! They’re sneaking up behind you and they’re going to get you. Come on, turn, turn. George! Help him! I can’t watch. They’re hurting him!
GEORGE
It’s a show, honey. It’s not real. They are/
TAMMY
/Oh! Did you see that car flying? Now he’s getting in the hot tub. Nice pecs. This is all right. Wait, what’s this? Oh, it’s an advertisement. Can you turn it down?
(George gets up to adjust the volume.)
GEORGE
What are you going to do in Portland?
TAMMY
George, I told you, I’m visiting a friend.
GEORGE
Who you used to visit for an afternoon delight when he lived next door, so we moved here.
TAMMY
It was your idea to try an open marriage. I was just going with the flow.
GEORGE
I was in the service. It was Vietnam. I was injured.
TAMMY
It was Texas. You dislocated your shoulder on the golf course.
GEORGE
I had to let off tension, we all did. Speaking of tension, how about we, let’s cuddle.
TAMMY
Try one of the magazines you have hidden behind your tool chest. You know, Mark looks at those, too.
GEORGE
Good. He could use some sex education.
TAMMY
Tomorrow night! You can have that father-son talk. You are going to stay home tomorrow night, right?
GEORGE
I’ll hang out until he goes to bed, and tell him I’m going to the gym early in the morning like I always do.
TAMMY
Does he believe you, George?
GEORGE
Of course, I’m his father.
TAMMY
Why not stay home for one evening?
GEORGE
Why don’t I tell him why you’re going to Portland? Maybe he should know all about Joshua. He’s an artist. Joshua. He cooks penne. Joshua. He solved the Rubik’s cube. Joshua. He drives a BMW. Maybe then he’ll have a better picture of Saint Tammy, the holy virgin.
TAMMY
Why don’t you? Tell him everything. Your little photography hobby, the ads in swinging magazines, living the lifestyle/
GEORGE
/It was the seventies!/
TAMMY
/your gym partners, overnight quote-un-quote workoutssix nights a week.
GEORGE
It’s not six nights a week.
TAMMY
It is.
GEORGE
No. Monday. Yeah. Tuesday, yeah. Wednesday and Thursday I was in New York for business and on the weekend I had men’s group. That’s only two nights last week.
TAMMY
It’s six. Your men’s group didn’t meet, you were at her place. And before that you took her to New York. This is my one night. Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?
(Tammy pulls George into bed.)
GEORGE
How big is Joshua? I mean, there must be a lot there if you like him more than me. He’s a kinda slender guy. I always thought he was a homosexual, until you…He might have AIDS now. You better make him wear a rubber, and latex, not one of those yuppie organic sheepskins/
TAMMY
/George, don’t. Let’s enjoy our togetherness. This is good. Love and breathing. Your lingum and my yoni, joining. That’s it. We’re in the circle. Love and awareness. Prana prana prana. God. Oh god. Oh! Oh!Thank you.
(Tammy is done and goes back to her book. George slow claps.)
GEORGE
I’m going to watch television. In another room.
(George grabs a set of keys and picks up the television.)
TAMMY
Those are the keys to my Honda. Your keys are in the pocket of your new jacket.
GEORGE
My Members Only.
TAMMY
Foggy! Lightning! Come to bed!
GEORGE
Sorry, I locked your precious dumb mutts in the garage.
TAMMY
Well, let them in on your way over to what’s her
name’s. Your gym partner.
(Tammy turns out the light.)
Art and Music in Our Souls 