Directed by Aeron Macintyre
With Jessica Risco, Leon Goertzen and Nicole Slovenic
A man enters a room wearing pajamas. He sees a woman in a toga holding a small box. Another woman is face down on the floor.
PANDORA
Oh, hi! I’ve been waiting for you.
WILL
Sorry. I guess I’m late.
PANDORA
Not particularly.
WILL
I’m confused. Who are you?
PANDORA
Pandora, I think. Oh, shit, I’m supposed to keep an air of mystery. Damn it.
WILL
Pandora, why am I wearing my pajamas?
PANDORA
Because it’s not public humiliation tonight. If it were, we’d be in the high school gym, you’d be naked, she’d be freaking out (she points at Worry) and they’d be laughing. They may laugh anyway. Hard to tell yet.
She points at the audience. Worry gets up and begins quietly pacing upstage. He stares at Pandora awkwardly. She giggles.
WILL
Sorry. It’s just you look exactly like-
PANDORA
Your ex-girlfriend?
Pandora opens the top of the box playfully, then snaps it shut.
WILL
Well, not exactly like her, but somehow I know you’re her… it’s hard to explain.
PANDORA
It always is. This is the way it goes.
WILL
Wait, my ex-girlfriend? She’s my very current girlfriend.
PANDORA
Oopsie. (Pandora opens and closes the box. Giggles)
WILL
Wait. What did you mean by that? Who’s that?
PANDORA
Oh, stay away from her.
WORRY
(Mumbling to herself) Do I have cancer? Should I check my prostate? Am I going bald?
PANDORA
She’s just processing. Better to get it out now. You wouldn’t want to be neurotic.
Pandora opens and shuts the box quickly. Giggles.
WORRY
What if I’m neurotic? I’ll drive everyone nuts with my neediness. I’ll die alone, in the street, in the rain.
PANDORA
Oopsie.
WILL
I want to calm her down but she’s kind of mesmerizing. Like watching a slow-motion train wreck. As soon as he looks directly at Worry, M&M’s fall out of his pocket. She hungrily runs to him and starts eating them. Her words get louder and clearer.
WORRY
What if I die in a horrible train wreck?! The pain! They’d clean out my apartment, it’d be a mess. And she’d find my porn! She’d know what kind of a pervert-
WILL
Woah!
PANDORA
Yeah, no, seriously, don’t feed her.
WILL
Feed her?!
PANDORA
I mean, you don’t want to kill her exactly, but it’s best not to give her too much attention.
WILL
She’s hard to ignore. Wait- she looks like Mandy from work…
Pandora opens and shuts the box quickly. M&M’s fall out of Will’s pajamas. Worry eats them.
PANDORA
Oopsie.
WORRY
Have I been flirting too much with Mandy?
WILL
No, that’s all in good fun. I don’t mean anything by it.
WORRY
Do I?
WILL
No, I don’t. I love my ex-girlfriend. My girlfriend! Dammit!
WORRY
Am I going to dump her? Am I going to cheat on her? What kind of a man cheats on a wonderful girlfriend? An asshole. Am I an asshole? Sometimes I’m an asshole.
WILL
Shut up!
WORRY
She probably hates me. She knows I’m flirting with Mandy and she’s suffering-
WILL
Pandora, please, can you shut her up?
WORRY
I’m probably terrible in bed. I think I have a small penis-
He looks at Pandora.
WILL
What the fuck! SHUT UP!
PANDORA
You made her, I just let her loose.
WILL
Well, can we suppress her, or something for fuck’s sake?
PANDORA
Umm, yeah. It’s easier to do when you’re awake though. You can like, check Facebook. Distraction.
WILL
Hey, Mandy! Look over there, shiny!
WORRY
Shiny?! Oooh, newsfeed! All my ex’s are getting married? Including Jessica?! Oh, shit- what if she tells her fiance that I used to prematurely-
WILL
Not working! What else?
PANDORA
Straight up Denial? You can put her in a sealed box, but it’s dangerous-
WORRY
Danger! Did someone say Danger?! A large box appears.
WILL
How do we get her in the box?
PANDORA
She seems to like M&M’s.
WORRY
What if I get Type 2 Diabetes? Will throws a handful of M&M’s into the box, Worry climbs in. They shut the box and sit on it.
WILL
Now what?
PANDORA
Oh. So, now she gets angry. You supply her with a steady stream of M&M’s and she gets stronger, you start to like your life without her.
Worry starts thrashing around.
So you keep building barricades to keep her in. Eventually she gets out anyway. It’s usually pretty ugly. Like mid-life crisis type stuff.
WILL
Wait, what?! This was your solution?
PANDORA
Yeah, I’m not really a “solution” kinda guy. But therapy does wonders.
WILL
Shit. The thing is, I really love my girlfriend. I know I’m flirting with Disaster here, but-
PANDORA
Chaos. Entropy. Not Disaster.
He touches Pandora’s face. She gently kisses him.
WILL
What’s the difference?
He gently kisses her.
PANDORA
Disasters are always awful. Chaos is just the way of the Universe. Growth is chaos. All roads lead eventually to my door. The disorder can be quite beautiful.
They begin to kiss again. Alarm goes off.
WILL
Snooze! Five more minutes.
WORRY
(From inside the box) You’ll be late to work!
WILL
Am I doomed to ruin the best relationship that has ever happened to me?
Sound of M&M’s being dropped in the box.
WORRY
Ooh yummy!
PANDORA
Not necessarily, loverboy. Open my box. (He hesitates) It takes a special kind of bravery to dive headfirst into Chaos, but I think you’ll like what you find.
Alarm. He reaches for Pandora. She giggles.
You always get amorous right before I have to go! Mornings!
Alarm. She gives him a quick smooch. Giggles and leaves.
WILL
Snooze!
He opens Pandora’s box and flinches. Beautiful music plays. Worry goes to sleep. Out of the box he pulls Hope. It has feathers.
Art and Music in Our Souls 