Directed By Blake Weirs

With Jessica Risco, Rinabeth Apostol, Aeron Macintyre and Randy Hurst

(Singing in Italics)

Gentlemen:

Attend the tale of Terri Todd

Her Skin was Pale and her hair was mod

She styled the hair of San Franciscans

Who never thereafter were heard of again.

He trod a path that few have trod, Did Terry Todd,                  

The Unisex Barber of Haight Street.

Chorus:

By Terri,

By Terri Todd,

The Unisex Barber of Haight Street.

Gentleman:

Attend the tale of Terri Todd.               

He served a dark and a vengeful god.               

What happened then–

Chorus:

Well, who’s to say?

Gentleman:

And he wouldn’t want us to give it away,

Chorus:

Not Terri,               

Not Terri Todd,               

The Unisex Barber of Haight Street.

Terri Todd:

There’s a hole in the world                  

Like a great black pit                  

And the city call it capitalist                 

And its about High Rent                 

and regeneration              

And it goes by the name Of San Francisco.                  

At the top of the hole             

Sit the privileged few                  

Making mock of the vermin                  

In the lower zoo,                  

Turning beauty into filth and greed.                  

I too                

But there’s no place like San Francisco!

TODD:

(Terri opens a letter and begins to read it) This is a 30 day notice that we will raising your rent to market rate. Your new rent per month $10,000 per month. If you fail to make rent each you will be forced to vacate the premises, and Starbucks will be installed.

TODD:

There was a barber and her sheers,                  

the love would bring you tears,                  

A foolish barber dangerous like a knife,                  

the Scissors were her reason and his life,                  

And her style was beautiful,                  

And haircuts was precious.                  

And she was…

(a breath)

Naive.

TODD:

(to audience) I had opened my shop 12 years after the last internet bomb, I got lucky and found this great place on Haight street. I set up a couple of chairs and in a month I had 10 5-star reviews on yelp. My haircut were noticed stylistic. For Women, I was the best at creating the 1960’s Mia Farrow or even the modern modern Justin Bieber. There were so many options men could look like women and women could look like men. Then my clients changed, from the bohemian art students and the fair weathered ladies, but these clients appeared from the Waller-Street mothers with strollers, and sports car driving techies, that would just demand, demand, demand. So things had to change with my……

Detective:

……Yes, is the Terri Todd Barber Unisex Barbershop?

TODD:

A customer, Yes, here have a seat. What are we doing today? Would You like the 80’s Charlie Sheen or the Jo from Facts of Life, Short on the top long in back, Or maybe we could do a simple Ellen DeGeneres, Or I could leave this short and add some extensions give you a miley ray cyrus

Detective:

Oh, no I’m not here for haircut. I have a couple questions about some disappearances happening around here. See, some people have gone missing in this neighborhood and we want to find out what happen to them, and they were all seen here last

Todd:

Well, I don’t know what you mean.

(Through this sequence, using low budget techniques a sheet of fabric could used  held by 2 stage hands holding both ends, then a light could be lit from the back in which shadow puppets could used to mimic the actions the woman and man describe in their sequence or you could simply use the actors to gesture their deaths.)

Women:

(to the audience, Yuppy) My normal hairstylist downtown had to cancel my and I needed to get a trim before I left for my business trip to NYC. I was in a hurry so I googled local place on Haight street. I thought it would be fine. I just needed something in a hurry. (Lift the wig slightly above but not all the way off) She had shaved me bold. I was furious, and she took my head

Todd:

….yes, she loved her hair cut, she lost her head over it.

Detective

I see. Well there also a gentleman from…..

MAN:

(to the audience, Excutive)I had my assistant booked the appointment. I needed something near my house. My assistant said she had heard good things about the Terri Todd: The Unisex Barber of Haight Street. I just wanted a simple trim, Little off there and little off here. Before you know it, She had took a couple inches off the front and left the back long. I look like some female version of redneck truck driving. I was furious, I didn’t ask for mullet. I demanded her to fix this, before I knew it she stuck it to me, she stuck her scissor right through my heart.

Todd:

…..He loved his cut, he took it to heart

Detective:

There was a case of a German….

Woman:

(German accent) (to audience) ( Just add what sounds like German, jestering with hands what is going on) Ihr Angebot wird mir in Reifenplatzer gelockt. Sie sagte, sie habe die perfekte Idee mir einen moderneren Look zu geben. Ich liebe zeitgemäßen Look, fühlte ich mich abenteuerlustig, und vereinbarten, bevor Sie es wissen, dass sie die Seite meines Kopfes rasiert, würde-ich habe mit ihm gegangen, trank, bevor ich etwas, was sie hatte mich hier und hier sagen aufgeschlitzt….

Detective: (sneezes)

Todd:

Gesundheit

Detective:

How about this supervisor candidate…..

Man:

(to audience)I was running for election as city supervisor. Typically, i have my staff with me, but I needed to do some campaigning with local business. Plus, I felt meeting people alone would help me seem more personable. I have this vision of haight street, to bring in more corporate retail outlets, with a huge apartment complex, that would celebrity the cultural of haight ashbury. I need the local business to show their support as this would bring revenue for the city. Before I knew it Terri Todd, had pinned me to the wall with her scissors and slit me here and here. As my blood slowly poured out. She said if you “I’ll drain you before you can drain the cultural from this city.”

Todd:

He was so draining, all he could do was talk about what he will do for the city bringing in more corporate dollars to Haight Ashbury and clean up the homeless.

Detective:

Well I guess I see no foul play here, if you hear anything could use give me a call (begins to walk away and from the back Todd cuts his throat)

Todd:

This city I want to see

is held captive and not free

it’s losing it’s art and culture

and is full of vultures

We need a place where gender is mixed

a place where everything is fixed

Come for your unisex haircut at Terri Todd

come for your unisex haircut at Terri Todd

Chorus:

By Terri Todd

Todd:

By Terri Todd

THE END

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