Directed by Anika Solveig
Featuring Melissa Ortiz, Sally Dana and Allison Hunter Blackwell
Setting: The front stoop of a friend’s house.
Characters: Two women in a long term relationship. KAREN in a bra, BRYNNE, her lover, and, Donna, KAREN’s sister (mother of two and master of none).
BRYNNE and KAREN, both garbed in homonormative attire (which in my neighborhood and age bracket would be a bright k-pop-ish sweatshirt and sagging jeans,, but the flannel of the 90’s works, too) stand on the porch of DONNA’s house, throwing darts.
BRYNNE has a decent turn. DONNA has a great turn, and BRYNNE is impressed. KAREN goes and is awful. This clearly irritates BRYNNE.
BRYNNE reacts negatively, in whatever way best suits her.
BRYNNE:
How long have you had that on?
KAREN:
I’m frankly a little surprised that you hadn’t noticed.
BRYNNE:
Was it since we first got here?
KAREN:
Offended even.
BRYNNE:
Since – since even earlier, like in the car on the way here, I mean?
KAREN:
Like not terribly offended –
BRYNNE:
Oh my god, even EARLIER, at your house? When we? And I –
KAREN:
Didn’t even notice. Yeah, no, I am definitely at the very least disgruntled.
BRYNNE:
Because I didn’t notice you’d gotten yourself strapped into some gender-normative contraption –
KAREN:
It’s a brassiere.
BRYNNE:
Bra. Do not pull out French right now.
KAREN:
It has lace.
BRYNNE:
But why were you wearing it??
DONNA:
Excuse me. I think a better question—
KAREN:
And you don’t even get it.
DONNA:
Is why she took it off. Here I mean.
KAREN:
For something new! And then I had to take it off so she’d know it was even on. Had been on. That I was—
DONNA:
This is too crazy. I have to go get dressed for tonight.
[Brynne and Karen watch her leave, gearing for proverbial battle]
BRYNNE:
You cannot possibly think—
KAREN:
Why do you do that?!
BRYNNE:
Do what?
KAREN:
Tell people how to feel! I create my emotions. I, in fact, have a monopoly over the emotions market here in Me-land. And I hold all of the stocks.
BRYNNE:
You – Listen, dearheart. I grant you your monopoly. I’m not attempting any trust-busting. I’ll leave that to you, thanks.
KAREN:
Oh!
BRYNNE:
It!’s like, your stocks are rising as sales are dropping.
KAREN:
Yeah, no… what?
BRYNNE:
YOU chose this awful metaphor and I’ll thank you very much if you would please follow it.
Donna enters again.
KAREN:
DONNA:
KAREN! There are three dresses but then also a skirt thing? on the bed. The red, I think I like the red the best –
BRYNNE:
And so here it is: the femmes are –
KAREN:
Would you stop that?
BRYNNE:
Stop what.
Donna:
She means talking in PC jargon-shit. It’s awful.
BRYNNE:
It’s awful?
KAREN:
Yeah, no, it’s pretty bad.
BRYNNE:
Because I’m educated –
Donna:
Pretentious!
BRYNNE:
Pretentious?! Who is gallivanting about in femmederwear?
DONNA:
What?!
BRYNNE:
Femme underwear.
Donna:
[to Karen] No, yeah, you really can’t just let her go around talking like that.
BRYNNE/KAREN:
Why?
Donna:
[to Brynne] Because people will hear you.
BRYNNE:
What do I care? Oppression isn’t even a factor when those who don’t fit the gender binary quiet themselves.
KAREN [visibly impressed]
DONNA
Oh for Christ’s sake, we aren’t one of your students.
BRYNNE:
At least from them I get some respect.
Donna:
Do you know what they call you behind your back?
KAREN:
Oh no. No.
BRYNNE:
What do they call me?
Donna:
The Turbo Dyke 2000.
BRYNNE:
The WHAT?!
KAREN:
Oh my god.
DONNA:
Those are just the literature majors. The engineers prefers “Turbo Dyke 2.0”
BRYNNE:
[to Karen] Did you know about this?! Is that what this is about?
KAREN:
I— yeah, no—
BRYNNE:
Et tu brassiere.
KAREN:
Don’t be so dramatic! And you screwed up the part of speech. It should have been “et tu Karen.”
DONNA:
Oh god, you caught it.
KAREN:
What?
DONNA:
The pretentiousness.
BRYNNE:
I jus need to know if this about some kind of shame over— who we are, or who I am—
KAREN:
No! I just – wanted to try something new.
BRYNNE:
A woman wearing a bra is about as predictable as you can get.
KAREN:
But not for me!
DONNA:
There’s nothing wrong with liking nice clothes. I don’t even get what the issue—
BRYNNE:
But why are we trying to fit in all of the sudden?
KAREN:
No, see, that’s the problem. We look like all of our friends. We’re like, becoming the homonormative.
DONNA:
Yeah, you all dress like Justin Bieber.
BRYNNE:
What?!—
KAREN:
No, she’s awful but she’s kind of right. I mean, there’s this uniform for our community just like there’s a uniform for straight women. Heternorms in dresses and homonorms in… you know, this [indicates dress].
BRYNNE:
I like how I dress.
KAREN:
I do too! I just – wanted to try something new.
BRYNNE:
Yeah, no, but you’re still – into this?
KAREN:
What?
BRYNNE:
Into me?
DONNA:
She has to be. No one else speaks your crazy language.
KAREN:
It’s true.
Art and Music in Our Souls 