Directed by Alison Whismore

Featuring Melissa Ortiz, Aeron Macintyre, Jessica Risco and Christian Haines

DAUGHTER – Melissa Ortiz – Mid 20s, daughter of FATHER, dressed in PJs – liberal arts educated white girl who used to think she knew something about the world.

FATHER – Aeron Macintyre – 60s Wonderful father to DAUGHTER, dressed casually – Worked for Planned Parenthood in the 70’s and 80’s. He carries a hankie in his pocket.

PIMP/LATINO PAINTER – Christian Haines – Dressed like a real pimp with a cane, a hat, and a velour jacket – no clothing will be changed or removed aside from the cane, when he assumes the role of the LATINO PAINTER.

HO – Jessica Risco – Late 20’s, wearing fishnets, a short shirt, insane heels, heavy eyeliner – beleaguered.

Setting

DAUGHTER’S Apartment: stage right with two chairs representing a couch.
Sidewalk outside the Eula Hotel: stage left, no furniture.

Lights Up on DAUGHTER alone in her apartment with an unopened quart of Rocky Road ice cream. She opened the quart looking troubled, peals off the plastic lining and licks it vigorously. When the lining is clean she pulls one of two large serving spoons out of the pocket of her PJs and scoops out an enormous hunk which she puts entirely in her mouth, still looking troubled.
The doorbell rings.
Daughter opens it—ice cream all over her face
Enter FATHER

DAUGHTER
(Words muffled through the enormous bite) Hi Dad.

FATHER
Honey.
(Noticing her ice cream-covered face) This must be bad.

FATHER takes out hankie and wipes DAUGHTER’S face.
DAUGHTER proceeds to hug father with her whole body

FATHER CON’T
(While holding DAUGHTER) Honey, it’s okay, I’m here.

DAUGHTER eventually pulls away and thrusts ice cream toward FATHER.

DAUGHTER
You want some? (She pulls the other spoon out of her pocket)

FATHER
Sure.

FATHER follows DAUGHTER to the couch where they sit. He puts ice cream on the floor, resting his spoon on it.

FATHER CON’T
Jules, what is it? You haven’t called me like this since you were in college.

DAUGHTER
I’ll tell you, but first I need you to take off your Dad hat and put on your Planned Parenthood hat.

FATHER
Does that hat mean I’m making an appointment for you?

DAUGHTER looks at FATHER puzzled

FATHER
(Rubbing his own belly to indicate pregnancy) An “appointment.”

DAUGHTER
(Getting it) No, no. It’s not me.
FATHER
Oh, thank god. (Indicating the ice cream) I’ll take some of that.

DAUGHTER
(Handing father ice cream) It’s something I saw. I was in the Mission today for work, and when my meeting gets out I realize I’m on 16th, so I’m like, ‘great, I’m gonna go to the good Taquerilla, not the shitty one I always end up at at 2:00 am. So I’m at the restaurant, literally holding the door handle when I see this guy walking up the street toward me, and it’s a real honest-to-god pimp.

Enter PIMP, strutting purposefully upstage with cane.

FATHER
Honey, you didn’t grow up in the burbs. My guess is you’ve seen a pimp before.

DAUGHTER
I have, Dad. And it would have been funny if he didn’t have a real honest-to-god ho trailing behind him.

Enter HO, following PIMP without humor

FATHER
How could you tell she was really a prostitute?

DAUGHTER
Well, she was wearing a really short skirt, and her makeup was all messed up.
HO licks hand, smudges own eyeliner
And she was wearing these stiletto boots that really belonged on a pole, and her fishnets were ripped all over.
HO leans down and rips own fishnets

FATHER
How can you be sure they were connected?

DAUGHTER
Because he turned around and yelled…

PIMP
(Turning around to yell at HO) Come on girl.

DAUGHTER
And then she said…

HO
Okay, okay.

DAUGHTER
And she keeps clacking up the street behind him in those shoes from hell.

FATHER
Well, what was her tone like? Was it—

HO
(playfully) Okay, okay.

PIMP
(Playfully to HO) Keep on truckin’ girl.

FATHER
Or was it—

HO
(Obviously frightened) Okay, okay.
PIMP looks back at HO menacingly

DAUGHTER
The second one, definitely.

Exit PIMP and HO

And then he leads her into this shady-ass hotel with a piece of cardboard for a sign, right next to the best taqueria in The Mission. And I’m just standing there thinking about her and God knows what he’s gonna do to her in there—

Screams are heard from HO off stage.
And I’m seconds away from calling the cops—

FATHER hands DAUGHTER the quart of ice cream,
She takes another enormous scoop, shoves in mouth but continues to talk through it.

When this Latino guy walks out the same door in painter’s clothes.

FATHER
I’m sorry hon, I didn’t get that.

DAUGHTER
This little Latino guy walks out the same door in painter’s clothes!

ENTER HO and PIMP, PIMP now assumes the role of LATINO PAINTER momentarily breaking character to hand his cane to HO.
LATINO PAINTER walks wholesomely forward with Disneyesque optimism.

DAUGHTER CON’T
And now I’m thinking, what if this shit hole is also a haven for evicted renters—
LATINO PAINTER assumes dramatic pose to represent ‘evicted renters’
Or illegal immigrants—
LATINO PAINTER assumes dramatic pose to represent ‘illegal immigrants’
And if I call the cops to help one person, I’ll be throwing whole families under the bus.

LATINO PAINTER
(Crouching down and assuming a child’s pleading voice) Papi?!

FATHER
You know you’d be throwing her under the bus too. If you call the cops, she’s the one going to jail.

DAUGHTER
(With frustration) AH!!

FATHER
What was it about her, Jules. Why this woman?

DAUGHTER
This is going to make me sound awful.

FATHER
Just tell me.

DAUGHTER
It’s because she looked like me, she spoke like me. She didn’t have an accent, she wasn’t visibly on crack. She was my age. We could have been classmates, friends. The only difference was she was following a pimp and I wasn’t.

FATHER
What Taqueria was it?

DAUGHTER
Pancho Villa! I love it there. It’s clean, the line management is superb. Hell, they win the national Best Salsa award every year. It’s nothing but strollers and mariachis and organic-fucking-shrimp.

HO and LATINO PAINTER nod in agreement

FATHER
Don’t blame the shrimp, sweetheart.

DAUGHTER
I know, I know. But dad, this Hotel is right next door, and I need you to tell me what to do.

FATHER
Oh Jules, I can’t do that. I wish I could. You know, when I was counciling, when a girl came in pregnant and said her parents would “kill her” if they found out. We believed her because there were a lot of families that actually would. You can never really know a situation from the outside.

DAUGHTER
But I have to do something.

FATHER
You can find a safe house in the neighborhood and paper that street with fliers.
DAUGHTER takes another frustrated bite of ice cream, as this
suggestion is obviously inadequate for the help she hopes to provide.

DAUGHTER
Okay, you were an activist. You made things happen.

FATHER
Things were different then. I signed on right after Rosie died.

DAUGHTER
Who was that?

FATHER
She was the first person to die from an illegal abortion after the Hyde act—

LATINO PAINTER pantomimes the role of HYDE

Henry Hyde, this real draconian asshole of a senator, got a bill through congress that cut all the Medicaid money for abortion. So poor women were pretty much shit out of luck. Rosie Jimenez was a single mom.

HO assumes the role of ROSIE in a death pose—arms crossed.

DAUGHTER
So what did you do!?

FATHER
Well, I drove the getaway car. Our president found his way into a Hyde press conference with a pocket full of red paint. (FATHER gets up and interacts with HYDE) he shook that asshole’s hand and whispered ‘Rosie’s blood is on your hands.’

DAUGHTER
Yes! That’s what I’m talking about! So what happened, when did it get overturned?

FATHER
Honey, we’re still fighting it.

DAUGHTER
(With frustration) This is bullshit! Something is wrong. I can fix it.

FATHER
It’s not that simple.

DAUGHTER
But it should be! I just wanna let this girl know that I see her. That there’s someone outside that fucked up world who cares about her.

FATHER
You can make yourself available to help. Be ready if women like her come to you.

DAUGHTER
This isn’t about women like her, this is about her!

FATHER
Honey, she’s everywhere.
HO crosses into FATHER/DAUGHTER scene
DAUGHTER offers her Ice cream
HO
Thanks.

END OF PLAY

Advertisement