Directed by Tom Gough

Featuring Will Brown, Janine Evans and Sharmin Sehat

“Year of the Cat” by Al Stewart plays
GRACE is dressed like Annie Hall
MAY is dressed like Cher.
MAY is frozen. GRACE addresses the audience.

GRACE
It was the Summer of 77, its ladies night and I’ve had this much to drink(runs into chair), okay, maybe this much, shut up, its not your story. I was happily married to a really sweet guy, a musician- not a great one but he did have lots of hair, everywhere. Oh! So I guess that would mean I don’t need this anymore. Here. (Tosses ring to guy in first row) (to girl) Remember forever to you– can mean 4 ½ years to him. (Mouths to girl) Trust me. I know. (back to audience) Right! Where were we?

GRACE returns to the couch. MAY, unfreezes continues toast

MAY
So let it be- “Happy-fucking – Divor-sary,” Grace, Cheers to single ladies everywhere…drink up because it’s not getting any easier.

GRACE
Yep, but we’ll be getting easier.

The girls sit back onto the couch.
They down their drinks in unison.
Then sigh loudly in unison

MAY
(still drunk)
Last time this year, I lost someone special too.

GRACE
If this is going where I think it’s going-

MAY
I wish!

GRACE
Oh my god. You are unbelievable! The fact that you almost slept with Harry twice is-

MAY
(laughs)
Harry!? (Snorts) HARRY?? (slips off couch). Not HARRY!

GRACE
You’re right. Harry couldn’t sleep with a nymphomaniac if he blew in her ear for 8 hours. (pause) Not that you’re a nymphomaniac. Then who?

MAY
The King!

GRACE
You had sex with Elvis?

MAY
Ew, no he’s…(shakes her face and arms violently)

GRACE
Then who?

MAY
Cat Stevens.

GRACE
No, Cat Stevens is not the King. The day he gets inducted in the Hall of Fame will be the year I host an orgy.
(suddenly interested)
When did you “almost have sex” with Cat Stevens?

MAY
Oh you mean “Yusuf Islam? I can’t believe I don’t remember this story. Okay, so I drunk out of my mind and I stumbled into this prayer circle on the outskirts of Istanbul after a Stones Concert. Yusuf is there, dressed in all white– American Gandhi– playing Peace Train…and I’ve got more than a feeling. Before I got to touch him I was thrown out and nearly stoned to death! I picked the Holiest motherfucker east of the Nile! And that son of bitch rebukes me like Peter. Jeezus.

BEAT

GRACE
American Gandhi?

MAY
You know I can’t believe he’s not Jewish anymore.

GRACE
He was never Jewish!

MAY
Well, we all make bad decisions- Lachiam!

MAY exits. GRACE sits with her drink.
HARRY enters, unseen, dressed like Cat Stevens w/ a guitar.

GRACE
(to glass)
So I guess it’s just you and me Jack.

HARRY
Got room for one more?

GRACE
(startled)
What the fuck!

HARRY
It’s…uh…really great to see you too.

GRACE
Who the fuck are you?

HARRY
It’s Harry, you know, the father of your child, lover, ex-husband.

GRACE
Ugh, I know who you are dumbshit, why are you dressed like Yusuf Islam?

HARRY
Who? Baby, I’m Cat Stevens.

GRACE
Harry, what do you want?

HARRY
I’m hear to get baby back.

HARRY swings over his guitar.

HARRY
(to wild world)
Now admit to a mistake or two
But then again, you married a Jew
And it’s my broken heart you’re thieving.
Grace I’m grieving
But if you want the truth, your loves a force
Day we met I hit on your friend, like a horse
Now I did it again and forced us to di-vorce
CHORUS: Ooh baby baby it’s a Wild World
Sometimes I’m act like dumbass child, girl
Ooh baby baby I want you back, cuz…
(pathetic desperate, crying on his knees)
I fucked up baby! I can’t live by myself! Please take me back!

GRACE, moved by Harry grabs and kisses him

HARRY
That was-

GRACE
A mistake.

HARRY
No that was perfect.

GRACE
I don’t know what I’m doing.

HARRY
I think Cat Stevens thinks we’re doing all right for Christ sake!

GRACE
(laughs)
You idiot, Cat Stevens doesn’t believe in Christ!

HARRY
Okay, I’ll let you win this one.

She grabs him and they kiss again.
MAY enters, leaps against the pillar shocked yet unseen.

MAY
(gasps)
It’s the ghost of Mee-eee-oooww!

HARRY
Listen Grace, I came here for a reason I-
(sees May watching)
I…um…I-uhhh

GRACE notices HARRY staring MAY, looks at MAY then back to HARRY

GRACE
Really?

HARRY
I just…forgot what I was saying.

MAY
Don’t mind me Mr. Islam….I’m just watching.

She sips on her straw.

HARRY
Huh?

GRACE
She’s going through a religious phase.

MAY
I should go.

GRACE
May, Hold on. (pause) Why don’t you join us?

GRACE pats the seat next to her.
MAY reluctantly sits next to GRACE.
HARRY extends his arm around the back.
GRACE gets up to flips the Disc from Side A to Side B, “I Wanna kiss you all over plays”
HARRY and MAY freeze on the couch.

GRACE
(to audience)
I always knew Harry had a thing for May since the day we all met. Maybe I knew it and I didn’t care. I like jealousy. It gives me a fire in my belly. Like heartburn. The root of evil in our marriage wasn’t completely Harry’s fault.

HARRY
You know May, you always had that Princess of Persia tiger Lily thing about you going on, has anyone ever told you that?

GRACE gives HARRY a look, then maybe checks in with us. “See what I mean”

MAY
Yes, once or twice, thank you Harry.

GRACE
And it could have never been Cher’s fault right? So we blame Annie Hall.

HARRY
(to Grace)
Does that make me Woody Allen?

GRACE
(returns to the couch)
So what’s the harm in living a little? Everyone gets a taste.(she touches his face)

HARRY
You know what baby, Diane Keaton ain’t got nothin’ on you.

GRACE
Not bad Harry. So let’s just…relax. Let’s let the ”moment” come to us.

They sit there. Nothing happens. Fidgets.
Then suddenly MAY kisses GRACE.
GRACE pulls back. She smiles kisses her again.

HARRY
Yes. Oh Yes.

The women get into it. He gets up from the couch and goes for the middle. Their heads bump and the women continue to kiss. He puts his arms around the women’s backs and slides to their boobs but the women in unison slap his hand. He tries to kiss GRACE but she throws his face away.

GRACE
Stop. Stop it, I said STOP HARRY!

HARRY
I’m not trying to ruin-

GRACE
You cheated one me!

HARRY
I tried to cheat on you! Hell, I couldn’t even do that right. Grace I was so obsessed with the idea of being anybody else that I ignored being myself. And I forgot how good we were. I’m dropping the mask, so If you’ll have me, great, if not, I’m going to keep on trucking on—for you and for Cody. Our son. I need you. You’re the final piece in my perfect-

GRACE
Shut up. (pause) Be the perfect piece in my life.

They kiss.
It’s beautiful.
MAY throws up, wipes her mouth.

MAY
So does this mean the threesomes over?

Harry shakes “NO”
GRACE nods “YES,”
GRACE catches HARRY
HARRY changes to a stern “YES” as well.

Music Swells.
BLACKOUT

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