Directed by Blake Wiers

Featuring Christian Haines, Tim Meehan & Spencer Tomimatsu


ALDIN: A soul searching writer in his late 30’s, engaged to Frank.
FRANK: A pot addicted zombie, engaged to Aldin.
DR. BENJAMIN: A New Age sex therapist in his late 40’s.

San Francisco, CA.


Present day.

Scene: Therapist’s office. Bland décor. Framed Inspirational poster reads: Love is Love.
At Rise: DR BENJAMIN sitting in his office, listening to the news on his radio. He wears
small sunglasses, crystal around his neck, flowing black bohemian garments. He has a
bindi on his third eye. He smiles sitting hands folded.

NEWSCASTER. Hong Kong Residents Wait For Medical Treatment – Undeaditis spreading even to remote regions, Government issued a public safety warning. Jackson a Zombie? – The Jackson family is saying the calls to exhume Michael’s body and test him for Undeaditis are disrespectful and unfounded, Janet refused to comment. A Couple Gaining Independence, and Finding a Bond. Frank Maxmean and Aldin Sousa, who met at a workshop where people with undead disabilities performed jobs with regular folks, are celebrating a new freedom. The freedom to marry. Rightwingers condemn so-called ‘Brain Munchers’ but Frank and Aldin say: “Love is love.” With medical marijuana treatment their union has been declared safe.

(FRANK and ALDIN enter the room. Aldin is well kept, a bit soft spoken. Frank is a Zombie, addicted to smoking weed and eating brains.)

FRANK (groaning): …murdr

ALDIN. Did you just say murder, Frank?

FRANK. …grawgargraw

DR. BENJAMIN. Frank. Aldin.

ALDIN. Dr. Benjamin. We need to talk about something.

FRANK. (holds a freshly wrapped blunt) Ahksjkdjkjdkjd.

ALDIN. No! Stop it, Frank. This is exactly what I want to talk about. Your weed smoking. It’s like he’s completely checked out, here I am trying to hire caterers, florists and prepare my whole family to meet my soon-to-be-husband and he’s become a total…zombie. Sometimes he cries. And I know what he wants, but I can’t give it to him. But sometimes I start thinking that maybe I should give it to him. I mean, how selfish can I be? We’re fighting all the time. Any time we try to talk, the conversation just devolves.

DR BENJAMIN. Have you consummated?

FRANK. (upset) aiojagoijoqij…hhdjkdjdjdk.

ALDIN. I couldn’t agree more! It’s like he’s either not in the mood, or he’s…jumping down my throat. I mean I want him to want my body, but not like that.

DR. BENJAMIN. Mmm. What about mixing things up?

ALDIN. And we tried that role play exercise. Frank ate raw sushi off my body. I thought he’d be into it, but. He must be allergic to shellfish. Hives. Everywhere.

FRANK. Owwwie. (shudders, biting at ALDIN) shhhgghhlll.

DR. BENJAMIN. Is that so. (DR. BENJAMIN gives a rock to FRANK) Here, Frank. Just try rubbing your thumb along the surface of this fluorite. There. Isn’t that nice. (guiding FRANK’S thumb) Calming, isn’t it.

FRANK. (calmer) Graiowfra…

DR. BENJAMIN. And how about the brain cravings? Frank have you been doing your

FRANK. (grunting) Whawoaowha…
(FRANK takes out a tattered journal, crayon drawings of brains, blood, he and Aldin holding hands, sun shining. Next image of Frank eating Aldin’s head, a frowny face on Frank.)

ALDIN. (muttering to himself) God… unbelievable…This is you, biting off my head! I
love you, but. This is sick. You’re-

DR. BENJAMIN. We do not use judgment words in therapy. This is a safe space.

FRANK. Aaklwfeiowa…(FRANK flips to the last image: a flower. DR. BENJAMIN holds it up.)

DR. BENJAMIN. Yes. This one evokes true calm. Ahh. Let me get you both some
ayurvedic tea.

ALDIN. He’s fine in front of you, but the moment you turn your back…

FRANK. Ahgkdka.lhiggjha, ruhhns. (FRANK starts gently gnawing at ALDIN’s head.)

ALDIN. (enjoying it) Yes. Yes…No! stop. it Frank! Maybe after. If you’re good.

DR. BENJAMIN. Aldin. This void exists between you from a conflict, what are you resisting?

ALDIN. What? Because I wont let him abuse marijuana, a schedule one illicit drug.

DR. BENJAMIN. But isn’t Frank’s addiction stemming from a place of longing. Aldin. Frank needs something deeper from you. I’m trying to help you open your mind. Have you ever considered letting Frank eat your brain.

ALDIN. Literally open up my mind to him.

DR. BENJAMIN. Aldin you have two choices. You can take the boring choice. Keep numbing out your inner desires and exist as mindless drones, holding hands, you walk out of this office the same as you were before. Or you take the radical choice. Let Frank eat your brain and see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

ALDIN. (FRANK is massaging ALDIN’s scalp) There’s life beyond Frank eating my

DR. BENJAMIN. Frank eating your brain is not the end. It is only the beginning. I have crossed over Aldin. I was the first to willingly have my brain eaten. It was believed no one would survive a zombie attack. But look. I am living proof.

ALDIN. So it worked out?

DR BENJAMIN. (stares blankly for a moment too long.)

ALDIN. It worked out right?

DR BENJAMIN. So! As your homework I suggest rent a cozy AirBNB in Santa Cruz, smoke a big bowl of bubba kush, put on some Ke$ha, let your fears and anxieties melt together. What’s the worst that could happen? You can go to rehab after the wedding, for now, it’s time to open, relax and let Frank just tear into you. Consummate. Consummate. Consummate!

(DR BENJAMIN continues chanting consummate until the audience joins in. ALDIN is sitting between DR BENJAMIN and FRANK. They each grasp a hand. ALDIN is sweating. He looks at the door. It has started thumping, a HOARD OF ZOMBIES is gathered outside, roaring frantically, clawing at the walls chanting ‘consummate’)

DR. BENJAMIN. Well! I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for today. What did you
decide Aldin?
ALDIN. Maybe it’s the tea, but, I’m taking the radical choice! (jumping up, kissing FRANK)

(FRANK starts licking his head and scalp. The ZOMBIES outside are in an angry frenzy
now. The door is forced open, zombies rush in, led by none other than MICHAEL
JACKSON, (Director’s Choice: have Michael and the zombies perform the Thriller line
dance) FRANK and the ZOMBIES grab ALDIN and drag him off stage screaming.)

DR. BENJAMIN. The easiest way is simply to surrender. Bingo. (pause.) Next!