Directed by Christian Phillips

Featuring Lily Tung Crystal, Leon Goertzen, Linda Ayers-Frederick & Delinda Dane

The waiting room of a doctor’s office. Greta has her left arm in a sling, Her right arm holds her left rib cage as she paces around impatiently with a slight limp. Every fourth step or so she says : “Ow!”.

Her sister, Eileen sits on one of three chairs checking messages on her phone and texting back. Eventually engaging in conversation with Greta.

G: I thought you said our appointment was at 2:30.

E: I did, I guess they’re running a little late.

G: Could have used the extra sleep.

E:Why don’t you sit down and…meditate or something?

G: I’m not a meditator.

E: You used to be.

G: Well, I’m not any more…and why do people make an appointment when they have no intention of keeping it at the time they make it!

E: Hey, take it easy. It hasn’t been that long.

G: Take it easy? Take it EASY?!?

E:I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just thought….

G: What? What?

E:I just thought that if you sat down, you might feel just…a little better, that’s all. That’s all I meant.

G: I don’t. I don’t feel any better sitting down than I do standing. In fact, I feel worse. And where did the receptionist go? As soon as we got here, he disappeared. What’s that about, huh?

E: Maybe he had to use the facilities or something.

G: Isn’t he supposed to do that on his lunch hour or something?

E:Maybe his lunch didn’t agree with him? And only being permitted to go to the…you know…

G: Bathroom! The word is Bathroom why do you have to fancify it by calling it “the facilities”?

E: All right ‘Bathroom,’ but you’re missing my point.

G: Which is?

E: That only being allowed to go to the…Bathroom on your lunch hour Well…That’s not freedom!

G: Who’s talking about freedom? Does every situation have to be squeezed into one of your human rights campaigns? The man is a receptionist. He should be at his desk receiving us.

E: But not at every single moment. Surely he must have other tasks to do.

G: My sister Eileen! Still saving the world, one mud pie at a time!


G: It’s a complete lack of work ethic and it’s ruining this country! Don’t you see that?

E: Greta, I don’t know what to tell you. I just wish the doctor would see you right away and give you some magic potion so I can get you home and you can feel better again. That’s all.

G: Oh. Well. So do I. But that doesn’t look like it’s going to happen in the next five minutes or ever at the rate we’re going. Who suggested this guy anyway?

E: The society for the prevention of Monocultural Medicine.

G: The what?

E:The Society for the Prevention of Monocultural Medicine.They’re doctors that have broken away from pandering to the drug companies that have created the horribly one-sided, unethical system of healthcare in this country

G: [laughing] You mean he’s a Quack!

E: No.! He’s just very advanced in his field and ahead of his time. He’s a healer.

G: Oh my god!

E: And he’s not cheap.

G: No, I don’t imagine he would be. Most Quacks aren’t.

E: Will you please stop calling him a “quack” and show a little respect for someone outside the narrow spectrum of the accepted world purview.

G: Purview!! Eileen, you’re still so naïve!

E: I am not naïve. I’ve seen what this man has done for people and I wanted you to get the best care possible.

G: What exactly has he done?

Enter the Doctor Lester and his Receptionist Charles who like an MC at a Circus introduces Dr.Lester grandly

R:Dr. Lester, Ms. [checks his clipboard] Greta. Ms. Greta, Dr. Lester.

Dr. L: Fever?

R: No.

Dr. L: Let’s be sure.

Receptionist takes out a thermometer & pops it into Greta’s mouth.

Dr. L: Have a seat.

Greta shakes her head no.

Dr. L: No? Makes it a bit harder but we can manage…so this began when?…uh…

Receptionist holds up two fingers,

Dr. L: Two months ago?

Receptionist shakes his head no.

Dr. L: Two days?

Receptionist shakes his head no.

Dr. L: Two weeks ago…I see.

Receptionist nods his head yes with thumbs up.

Dr. L: Yes…from the back you look better than normal…I’d get a truer reading if you could remove the sweater…No?

Receptionist shakes his head No and takes thermometer out of G’s mouth and makes an okay gesture.

Dr. L: Can you breathe in and out through the mouth like this? He demonstrates. Yes, each time you feel the stethoscope on your back…in and out…that’s right…Dr. L also breathes in and out with Greta as he puts the stethoscope on her back. Greta grimaces on the intake of each breath. And now your heart.

Receptionist shakes his head No

Dr. L.: No? No heart? Right then…I’ll just check mine. He checks his own heart in two places with his stethoscope. Sounds good to me. Ha Ha! And now on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the worst pain conceivable, how would you rate your pain?

G: 7 when I’m sitting, 5 when I’m moving, 6 when I’m breathing, and 9 when I sneeze without warning.

Dr. L: Aha! Well then, let’s try to keep you from sneezing! [To Eileen] And you are?

E: Eileen, Greta’s sister and an admirer of your work.

Dr. L. Charles, please give Ms. Greta remedy 22 and have her report on her progress in 3 weeks. And Eileen, keep a close eye on your sister. Thank you. Ladies. Dr. L exits quickly.

R: I’ll have your remedy in a moment. Do you have any questions? He reaches into his lab coat for some small envelopes.

G: How do I know if the remedy is going to work?

R: If you start feeling better, it’s working. If not, let us know in, say, a week.

G: Are there any side effects

RNo one has ever reported any. And all the instructions are on the envelope. He hands Greta one of the envelopes that is clearly marked #22.

G: That’s it?

R: That’s it. Except for the bill.

E: I’ll get that. Hands him a credit card that he scans on his cell phone and returns to her.

R: Sign here, please. Eileen signs with her finger. Now if you’ll excuse me…

E: Of course. Greta, come on.

G: Looking at the contents in the envelope. Hey! They look just like those pink pills we used to get from Dr. Rod when we were kids. I wonder if they taste the same.

E: Come on.

G: I’m coming. Don’t rush me. What are you in such a rush about? E & G exit

Dr. L reenters.

R: So, What do you think, Doctor? Another miracle cure?

Dr. L: Sure, Charlie, She’ll be fit as a fiddle in a week whether she takes the pills or not. And next time, mix up the numbers on the envelopes. I don’t want people thinking they’re all getting the same remedy. How would that look, huh?

End of Play