Directed by Christian Haines
Featuring Mark Vashro & Kelli Crump
CHARACTERS:
SHE
HE
(SCENE: Man and woman enclosed inside space ship, dressed accordingly, eyes open, set at a distance from, and looking away from, each other. Actors should try to cultivate whatever similarities of manner, gesture, look, speech, etc. they reasonably can, e.g., at least not accentuating existing differences. At rise, after a long silent pause, HE speaks suddenly.)
HE
I can’t go back.
SHE (as if newly alerted to his presence)
What?
HE
I just can’t. I can’t do it. (Beat) I can’t.
SHE
What are you talking about?
HE (visibly frustrated)
I won’t go back to Eworld. (Beat) I can’t stand it any more.
SHE
What are you talking about? What’s your problem?
HE
Everything’s reduced to bitcoin. Everything – and everybody’s – the same. It’s all light, bits and bytes.
SHE (matter-of-factly)
Everybody’s not – exactly – the same. And we are going back. This ship’s going back.
HE
I’m sorry . I – just – can’t. (Beat) I’m crashing the ship.
SHE
You’re sorry? (Like she hasn’t heard him right) You – and you’re (Beat) what?
(Something like a phone rings and keeps ringing.)
HE (gesticulating)
Listen! Nothing’s changed since we left. They’re still at it. (Shaking head) It’s all the same. Listen!
SHE
Oh, come on. You get used to it.
HE
I don’t. And don’t want to.
SHE
You want me to answer?
HE
No!
SHE
It’ll just keep ringing.
HE
We’re astronauts! In outer space! That’s (pointing at phone) why I won’t go back!
(He picks it up, listens briefly, screams an obscenity, and slams phone down.)
(Overwhelmed) A robot – calling us in outer space, trying to sell astronauts disability insurance!
Nothing’s changed! System’s stuck!
SHE
It’s no big deal. (Shrugs) We’re on their list. (Beat) It’s not always insurance. What are you
talking about – (Beat) crashing? Is that your idea of a sick joke?
HE
Sometimes it’s home repairs. (Beat) Or ship repair! (Beat) No. I’ve never been more serious.
SHE
It’s just system. I don’t see what you get complaining.
HE
Nothing! That’s why I won’t go back!
SHE
You’re being so – one-sided! Look at the bright side! We’ve got so much to be thankful for. Things are so much better than they used to be! We all get to blend our minds together over the Internet! Everyone has access to everything. We can download all knowledge, experience,thoughts and feelings automatically in (snaps fingers) nanos. If that. Everything is one. No boundary between inner and outer. Here and there. We know everything instantly – just like everybody else! Isn’t it cool?
HE (shaking head)
I don’t think so. I’m so sick of it I could – disintegrate!
SHE
You’re sick of effectively being a super-computer encompassing the entire universe? Interfacingeffortlessly 24 hours a day – or more? What are you – a Luddite? A Luddite – astronaut? (Beat) This is real freedom. That means something. Get used to it! You can’t stop progress! Don’t be such a gloomy Gus!
HE
You don’t understand how hard it is for me. I’m really different from you. Though I know it’s hard to tell. But I’m extremely diverse! I’m disabled. I’m omnipotent. I’m analog. At the same time I’m digital. I’m transsexual. I’m intrepid. Incorporeal. Inert. Incontinent. Insipid. Inane. I’m Puerto Rican. I’m Jewish. You name it!
SHE
Nothing you say makes any sense! And that doesn’t make you a bit distinctive – or a minority!
HE
We’re so brainwashed by our mono-culture we haven’t even been able to acknowledge – let alone, celebrate! our – very – real differences – for a moment over all these decades.
SHE
Haven’t we functioned as a perfectly harmonious synchronized team for 800 gazillion kilometers?
HE
In all that time, I was not supposed to let myself notice, let alone comment truthfully – on pain of harassment complaint – on how interesting and – colorful – you look and how you’re built – so – distinctively! (Beat) We’re totally controlled! All our movements and thoughts in a pre-determined pattern! Even over hundreds of gazillions kilometers! That’s why I wanted to fly into space: I thought I could escape. But I couldn’t. And now we’re just – plunging right back into it! That’s not freedom!
SHE
This ship’s going back, no matter what you say. We’re on auto-pilot.
HE
We’ve been on auto-pilot all our lives!
SHE
It – is – what – it – is. What exactly can you – do?
HE
Whatever I can. Whatever I have to.
SHE
You can’t do a thing about it.
HE
But that’s not – totally – true. There’s ways. That’s why I’m warning you. And asking forgiveness in advance.
SHE
Forgiveness! (Beat) Hey! Hey! Remember: We’re totally equal on this ship. Fifty-fifty. You can’t do a thing without my say-so –
HE
What if I know things you don’t? – I went to flight school lots longer than you – I know how to crash off-course at certain precise co-ordinates. Hopefully, we’ll escape out the emergency exits.
SHE (suddenly alarmed, realizing fully that he’s serious)
Hopefully? Escape? Crash the ship? You’re crazy! You’ll kill both of us!
HE
I just can’t go back. You’ve got to understand that.
SHE
What about me? This is so totally against – everything! The law! Right and wrong! You’ll be — executed! This is mutiny! Murder!
HE
No punishment could be worse for me than going back to that prison. (Beat) If there was any way to let you go without me, I’d do it. (Beat) I’ll help you find your way back to (making quote signs with fingers) “civilization” from wherever we fall, if that’s what you want.
SHE (glancing outside or to monitor, pointing)
I don’t believe what you’re saying! You’ve gone totally insane! It’s like a nightmare! Now we’re approaching the outer atmosphere.
HE (standing up, decisively)
Here’s where it gets interesting.
SHE (getting up, trying to push him back into seat)
Get back down! You know you can’t do that!
HE (gets back up, firmly)
I am crashing this ship! I’m warning you! Stay out of my way! Don’t try to stop me!
SHE
You’re gonna kill both of us!
HE (while grabbing hold of some controls)
I won’t, actually.
SHE (attacking him directly, starting to cry and emotionally crumble)
How can you say that! Oh, my God! No! No! No! We’re gonna die! I’m so scared!
HE (Getting a grip on her, trying to comfort her, looking at her very seriously)
You really are, aren’t you? You really don’t remember? We’ve got nothing to be scared of.
SHE
How can you say that? What are you talking about? Have you ever crashed a space ship before?
HE
Not exactly.
SHE
Then how can you say we won’t die?
HE
Are you serious? You really truly don’t remember any more?
SHE
What?
HE
You really really don’t?
SHE
Goddam you! What the hell? What are you talking about?
HE
I can’t believe you don’t remember, honey. (Beat) We’re robots. (Beat) We’re immortal.
(Pause. She looks at him in disbelief, but then with a hint of recognition, as of something is distantly familiar.)
They made us precisely in their image. We have the same fears. But we don’t need them.
SHE
No! Noooo! You’re kidding! You’re kidding!
HE
Haven’t you heard, honey? (Beat) Robots don’t kid. (Beat) At least while we’re revolting.
END
Art and Music in Our Souls 