Directed by Alison Whismore
With Russ Whismore, Ray Renati and Andre Abrahamians
CHARACTERS:
ANDRE
RUSS
RAY
RAY and RUSS on a couch in RUSS’s apartment, cuddling. They are dressed in going out clothes.
RAY
I’m comin’ at you, get ready-
RUSS
Don’t muss my hair! You’ll get product all over you!
RAY dives in for a kiss.
RAY I’m your baby, give it up, Tinky-Winky baby/
RUSS /Stop, now, I hate that nickname, little monster/
RAY
Divine little purple one, reminds me of you and your sweet cheeks.
RAY continues to press RUSS.
RUSS
Ray, cut it out. I thought we were going to go out, have dinner, relax/
RAY
It’s our anniversary, let’s make it super special, this won’t take long. Then we’ll go out, have that fancy dinner at Stars you wanted, eat, drink, and celebrate. But first/ RAY becomes more assertive.
RAY
Just a quickie, come on, it’s been a week/
RUSS
Stop, Ray, I mean it, stop, time for all this later, right now/
KNOCK on the door. ANDRE enters without waiting for a response.
ANDRE
Are you ready? I do not wanna miss La Vida Loca tonight! Hot hot hot! (sings) “Her lips are devil red..”
RAY
What the hell are you doing here? (To RUSS) What’s he doing here? Keep that boy-toy of yours away from me. Away from here.
RUSS
Andre is here for a special reason tonight For both of us.
ANDRE
Come on Ray, lighten up. (Sings) “A little bit of Ray is in my life, better watch out or he may bite…”
RUSS
You’ve always said, (BEAT) Ray, I thought, what better way to celebrate our 10th anniversary than to have a special night out. Or night out then back in. Three of us.
RAY
I always said I’d like to TRY a 3-way. But not with your old boyfriend/
RUSS
/He wasn’t my boyfriend. It was one time, Ray, a long time ago. And you said he was hot, more your type than mine.
ANDRE
I am hot – I’m on fire! (sings) ”Livin La Vida Loca!” Come on you two, let’s get this night going!
RAY
WE are going to get going, we have dinner plans. And then maybe some dancing/
ANDRE /Oh like the cha-cha, more your speed?
RUSS
Cut that out, Andre, Ray could keep up with two of you.
ANDRE
So what about the samba, the mambo, then, you don’t know what you’re missing.
RAY
Not from YOU, honeydew. Russ, let’s go.
ANDRE
Don’t go, I want to give you two your money’s worth. Who’s first?
RAY
You PAID him? Tinky-Wink, you didn’t!
RUSS
Don’t call me that!
ANDRE
Figure of speech, Ray. My way of trying to show you a good time.
RAY
I don’t like any of this. I just wanted a nice dinner, some foie gras, Merlot, maybe some action once we got home.
RUSS
I was doing it for you! You’re always complaining we’re in a rut, getting old, I wanted to spice things up a little.
RAY
I should have predicted you’d get the bright idea to bring him around.
ANDRE
I’m standing right here!
RUSS
I’m sorry. Andre, I’m sorry I got you into this. Ray, I’m sorry I misjudged what you would like for our anniversary.
ANDRE
What about La Vida Loca night? I got my dancing shoes on, I didn’t come all the way across town just to go by myself. (BEAT) Come on you two, I predict if we start now you’ll be mambo-ing by 10 o clock. Then you can go home and do whatever else you like.
RUSS
What do you say, Ray? We can go to Stars anytime. But we won’t always get the chance to mambo. Or samba, I get them mixed up.
RAY
I can’t do it, I look at HIM, and I keep thinking of what you must have done.
ANDRE
“I did NOT have SEX with THAT WOMAN!” (BEAT) Ray, I mean, we didn’t, actually, I was real drunk, down at the White Spot, just got dumped, crying my eyes out , Russ took me home, that’s all, stayed around to make sure I didn’t puke on myself. Nothing really happened.
RAY
(BEAT)
ANDRE
I was embarrassed, blubbering like a little girl, so I made it sound like we got it on/
RUSS
/I just went along. I felt sorry for the kid – I should have been more honest, Ray I’m sorry. But it got you hot thinking about it, sometimes, right?
RAY
Yeah. I guess. Yeah. I should have known, you’d never/
ANDRE
/I’m gonna go, OK? You want to come with?
RUSS
Nah, I think we’ll stay in, order a pizza, watch a little C-Span, check out some impeachment action. That sounds good, baby. Is that your final answer?
RAY ANDRE
Yes. Yes.
ANDRE
Ok then. Good night.
ANDRE exits
RUSS
So. Where were we?
RAY
C- Span? Really?
RUSS
OK, Queer as Folk then. Come here you doof.
RUSS and RAY maneuver to the couch and resume.
END OF PLAY.
Art and Music in Our Souls 