Directed by Colin Johnson
With Leon Goertzen, Olivia Grace & Eden Neuendorf
CHARACTER LIST
PRINCE- The artist formerly known as Prince
MIRANDA- Prince’s assistant
CALLIE- Journalist for Addicted to Noise
TIME and SETTING: New Years Eve 11:55pm Deep inside the estate of Paisley Park, outside the suburbs of Chanhassen, near Minneapolis, MN. The action of this scene takes place inside Prince’s bedroom. The room is littered with clothes.
PRINCE , guitar in hand, lays on a futon/couch/table/dead stripper/whatever
MIRANDA sits on the floor, working on a large painting/coloring book with some weird white pastels.
PRINCE lets out a few “ooohs” and “ahhs” as he strums.
CALLIE enters from the center stage from the double doors.
CALLIE
Hello? Mister…um Prince?
MIRANDA gets up off the floor and quickly approaches Callie.
MIRANDA
SHHH!
PRINCE does a poetic rendition/John Legend-esq/performance art version of “Who let the Dogs out”
PRINCE
Whooooooooooooo let the dogs……..ooooooooout…. WHO! whoooo. Who?
MIRANDA
Who!
PRINCE
Who!
MIRANDA
Who!
PRINCE
Who! We’re fading out now.
MIRANDA
(Still loud)
Who!
PRINCE
Who…
MIRANDA
(louder)
Who!
Prince waves his hand like an orchestra conductor for “shut it”
He almost touches her face then twirls his hand
PRINCE
My child. Your spirit name is… Amanda.
MIRANDA
That was weird.
MIRANDA turns to CALLIE
MIRANDA
(Brightly)
Hello! Who the hell are you?
CALLIE
Hi sorry I’m late, I got caught in the petting zoo down the hall.
MIRANDA
Are you with the Wilcox elementary school tour? All children are supposed to have the Paisley Park ankle bracelets with a remote tracking beacon and temporary mickey mouse tattoo on their forearm.
CALLIE
No, uh sorry, I’m..a
(digs through purse for recorder, business card, magazine)
Addicted to Noise
MIRANDA
That’s so cool. I’m addicted to noise too.
CALLIE
I’m not literally addicted to noise, but now that you mention it, I’ve noticed that-
MIRANDA
I really don’t care.
CALLIE
Right. So I’m the journalist from Addicted to Noise, magazine.
MRIANDA
Nameste. My spirit name is Miranda-
PRINCE
Amanda…my child.
MIRANDA
(between her teeth)
My other name is…Amanda and I am Prince’s personal liaison to the world. We here at Prince Estates LLC, the Illuminati LLC and the religious institute of Scientology, LLC, decree all verbal communication will go directly from Prince’s mouth, into my mouth, then if I deem fit, I’ll throw it up into your mouth.
PRINCE
What is your name child.
CALLIE
Callie.
PRINCE
(Slow Rhythmic singing)
We’re going…going back…back to Cali…Cali
MIRANDA
Prince is creating art right now. He will call you in 2 minutes.
CALLIE
Why does he have so much clothes lying around?
PRINCE lets out a long laugh.
MIRANDA
Prince said the world is ending tonight, so it doesn’t really matter.
CALLIE
Oh that’s a very…unique idea in 1999. Was there a party here last night…and did everyone take their clothes off?
MIRANDA
Prince lives in a house of clothes and jizz.
PRINCE
You guess which one is most expensive. Ooh-ooh!
MIRANDA
Prince hasn’t spoken to anyone, beside myself, since the altercation with Kevin Smith.
PRINCE strums the guitar.
PRINCE
(sung)
Fuck Kevin Smith. Ooohhhh.
MIRANDA
Prince says he’ll call you in one minute 30 seconds.
CALLIE
Does one always reference Prince in the 3rd person?
PRINCE
Oooh-ooh!
MIRANDA
Have a seat.
MIRANDA snaps, points to two pillows among the clothes on the floor, side by side.
CALLIE
Shall we…go ahead and start with the interview? (She turns on the recorder)
MIRANDA
I’ll hold that for you.
CALLIE
Right on.
MIRANDA takes the recorder. She stands up. Does a bird call.
CALLIE
Oh um…what are you…no…please don’t.
With swift precision, MIRANDA smashes recorder on ground and stomps on it violently.
MIRANDA
Prince is always concerned about the state of his Prince-cipal Security
MIRANDA takes out a banana and hands it to CALLIE.
CALLIE
What’s this banana for?
MIRANDA
Prince is going to call you on in 3 seconds.
CALLIE
Well I’m ready for it.
PRINCE
Callie.
CALLIE
Yes?
PRINCE
Come here child.
CALLIE
Prince!
MIRANDA gasps goes back to coloring with sticky pastels.
CALLIE
Mr.Prince? What I mean is do I call you Prince or…Jonathan…?
PRINCE
How are you doing today?
CALLIE
I’m doing…fine. How are you today Prince, sir?
PRINCE
You write stories with cursing in them, correct?
CALLIE
I write articles actually-
PRINCE
Do you understand that cursing affects some people, it offends them?
CALLIE
I only write what musicians say, so really I’m just saying what they’re saying and you also just cussed out Kevin-
PRINCE
Fuck Kevin Smith.
CALLIE
Kevin Smith is the voice of our generation, he wrote and directed Clerks. I mean I don’t mean to bring up old wounds but sounds like there’s a story there.
PRINCE
No there’s not. He’s a dingo. And that dingo ate my baby. (Pause) Now I want to tell you a story. If a big snake gives birth to a baby snake, what happens to that baby snake?
CALLIE
…It grows up to be a big snake?
PRINCE
And that big snake gives birth to another baby snake, what happens to the baby snake?
CALLIE
…The baby snake grows up to become a big snake.
PRINCE
Is that your final answer?
Pause
CALLIE
…yes. So the point of the story?
PRINCE
You gotta know who your father is.
CALLIE
I hear ya. I hear ya. So-
PRINCE
I just want to tell you one thing before you leave in 34 seconds. We are both passionate about our work. We create. You and your scribbling of illegible swear words, and Prince, the artist formerly known as Prince, the creator.
CALLIE
We’ll survive. Your music has records. RECORDS that people will listen to forever. We’re not getting rid of records, and its not like my magazine is going to go bankrupt because of this inter-web thing….that’s just a…fading…fad.
PRINCE
I want my fans to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. And they have to deal with it. We both have something to give and say to this world that no one knows they need, until we give it them.
CALLIE
Right on, that’s fucking bold.
PRINCE
Watch your language.
CALLIE
Right right swearing, sorry.
PRINCE
I can tell you’re stressed. Don’t say anything. I know how to help a child in need.
PRINCE exits.
BEAT as CALLIE collects herself and redirects her focus to MIRANDA
CALLIE
So how long have been working for Prince, Amanda?
MIRANDA
MY NAME IS MIRANDA!
CALLIE
Okay. What are you coloring with, are those pastels?
MIRANDA
Do you want me to throw this jizz in your face?
CALLIE
No thank you?
MIRANDA
Okay.
PRINCE returns.
PRINCE
All of my children here is the elixir of life that will save us before the apocalypse tonight.…come closer….closer…I won’t bite….
He bites at MIRANDA.
PRINCE
One for Callie. One for Allesandra.
MIRANDA
It’s Amanda.
PRINCE
And one for Prince…
CALLIE
What are these?
PRINCE
The future.
LIGHTS OUT…
Art and Music in Our Souls 