Directed by Ray Renati
With Briana Mitchell & Anne Kobori
CHARACTERS
At Rise: ANNE and BRIANA drinking at Maxfield’s Bar in the Palace Hotel, San Francisco.
ANNE
I do not have time for this Brianna, Joe’s coming over later/
BRIANA
Joe, Joey Joey and Annie sittin’ in a tree/
ANNE
/His name is JOE not JOEY. You’re just jealous.
BRIANA
Nah I just need another drink and I’m not leaving till you buy me one.
ANNE
Why HERE?
BRIANA
The drinks are strong. There’s a famous painting here. The Pied Piper. They almost got rid
of it but people complained.
ANNE
Pied Piper. Stole all the little kids and locked them in a mountain. That’s how I feel sometimes. Locked in. Locked in a big stone mountain, where life is cold and there’s no meaning to anything/
BRIANA
/Oh come on, lighten up. Nobody stole any kids/
ANNE
/He did too, he caught all the little kids and took them away.
BRIANA
No, the parents probably wanted them to go. He didn’t take them anywhere. Where would he take them, huh? They lived in the middle of nowhere. Gamelan. Valvoline.
ANNE
Ham’lin. Hammolin. He was the Pied. Piper. Of Hammolin.
BRIANA
What the fuck is a Pied Piper anyway? Like he liked pie? I like pie but I wouldn’t toot my
horn to steal away some little kids/
ANNE
/Pied is the kind of clothes he wore. Pied is a word meaning “patches of color, in blotches.”
BRIANA
What are you, Webster’s Dictionary now? Nobody really knows words like that, you’re a geek. Buy me another drink, I’m thirsty.
ANNE
You said we would just have one, then go home.
BRIANA
I like it here. It’s cozy. Dark.
ANNE
I don’t like it here, it’s creepy, and dark. And that painting is weird. Plus Joe is coming over.
BRIANA
Anne, I’m tired of hearing about Joe. He’s a loser. LOSER. You pay for everything.
ANNE
I pay for everything when I’m with you, Brianna, you owe me so many drinks/
BRIANA
How can I owe you drinks? We don’t even go out that much . And when we do you always have to get home early so JOEY can come over. Plus I always buy drinks. Plus you make a lot more money than I do. I have such a shitty job, it’s not fair/
ANNE
/Ahh don’t cry, come on, I’ll get you a drink.
BRIANA
You don’t remember what it’s like anymore, opening some jerk’s mail, going over his to-do list, having to fish his IPhone out of the toilet when he drops it. And your reward for sticking your hand in the toilet is he takes you out for watered down drinks and tries to grab your boob. You don’t have a boss anymore, you work in a one of those special offices with companies where everyone’s mellow and plays foosball.
ANNE
It’s not an office, a co-located workspace.
BRIANA
See! You’re always saying you’re better than me.
ANNE
You could have a better job, go back to school, or just finish another semester, take some classes. You’d meet nicer people/
BRIANA
Like you? One of you is enough. I don’t need your stupid drink. I’m outa here.
ANNE
It’s that painting, makes everyone feel down. Some guy comes along and takes all the kids away, locks them in a mountain. Stuck forever, never get out, makes them late for dinner, makes them cancel dates…
BRIANA
Joe cancels dates because he’s a dick, not because he’s stuck on a mountaintop.
ANNE
Stop calling him a dick. He’s smart, he’s highly literate, he’s very well versed in modern and post-modern art/
BRIANA
Like this one? It’s kinda pretty I guess. I like that one in the diner better – old-school hipsters sitting around, hanging out, late night cold coffee in a funky old diner. That’s me, more my speed, old school, hanging out, no where to go/
ANNE
“Nighthawks.”
BRIANA
What?
ANNE
The painting is called Nighthawks, by Edward Hopper, and it’s not hipsters, it’s lonely fragmented souls whose fires have been extinguished by the vicissitudes of modern life.
BRIANA
Whut?
ANNE
It’s one of the most famous American paintings of the 20th Century, you’re not going to see it in some skanky bar.
BRIANA
Who are you calling a skank? Are you calling me a skank? Cause I got something to say to you!
ANNE
(BEAT) And what might that be?
BRIANA
You’re a …snob. Yeah, that’s it a snob. And your boyfriend Joe is a snob. You’re all snobs. (BEAT) Hey, I feel good, I feel really good. I’m blowin’ this popsicle stand and all you… snooty snobs.
BRIANA tries to exit. ANNE stops her.
ANNE
Come on, calm down,. I was talking about skanky bars, not you, there’s a major difference.
BRIANA
Outa my way, snobby snob. I’m getting out of here.
ANNE
Not so fast –
BRIANA and ANNE tussle. ANNE
is.victorious.
ANNE
Give up? Come on give up, we’ll go get something to eat.
BRIANA
I’m not hungry. Anymore. I don’t like this place, I just want to get out of here. I have a headache. I’m gonna go.
ANNE
I’m sorry, Brianna. You could use some coffee and a big sandwich. (BEAT) Let’s go over to Giordano Brothers and get one of those Pittsburgh all in ones. You know with the french fries inside?
BRIANA
Yeah…What about Joey…Joe?
ANNE
He’ll be late anyway. And he doesn’t deserve a sandwich, you do.
BRIANA
He dumped you, didn’t he?
ANNE
It was mutual. On his end. More or less. He didn’t really get me, you know? Said I used too much archaic verbiage. (BEAT) He said I was a snob.
BRIANA
Aww what does he know. Let’s go get us some sandwiches. Someplace with no art at all.
ANNE
Or someplace we can sit around all night and ponder the meaning of our lives.
BRIANA
You mean, like the postmodernists do? Foucault? How societal institutions use power and knowledge as a means of disciplinary and social control?
ANNE
Uh, yeah, like that.
BRIANA
All right then. Let’s go before we wind up like those sad sacks in that diner.
ANNE
There is hope for you yet, Brianna.
BRIANA and ANNE exit.
END OF PLAY
Art and Music in Our Souls 