Directed by Becca Gilbert

With William J. Brown III & Annamarie Macleod

[A room. TROY and JOY are assembling school projects of some sort — trifold poster board, dioramas, etc.]

TROY
Who made the rule that the parents gotta set up these displays?

JOY
The parent association, of course.

TROY
Well, I’m a parent, and no one asked me.

JOY
I’m convinced that the Parent’s Association is a shadowy front organization, honestly. But, they felt that the parents should, you know, get to know one another, and what better time than the Culturama Fair.

TROY

Get to know each other?

JOY
Oh, private schools, we’re all coming from different parts of the area, different circumstances… it’s building a cultural bridge. Like they’re teaching each other about different countries, we’re all of us working together, for the kids.

TROY

For the kids!

JOY

Hurrah.

TROY

Which one’s your kid?

JOY

Lisa. “Japan.”

TROY

“Cameroon.”

JOY
Lisa’s the one with the glasses, and the–

TROY

–the hair, everywhere?

JOY

Oh yeah.

TROY
She’s got some head of hair, that kid!

JOY
Yeah, and you try taming it every morning!

TROY
No thank you! I get Melody’s hair into braids, under a

baseball cap, and bam, out the door.

JOY
She does have a variety of baseball caps…

TROY

Gets it from her dad.
[He tips his baseball hat]

So, uh, when’s your next one due?

JOY

What?

TROY

Oh, I just, I mean–

JOY

No, I don’t know what you mean.

TROY
Oh god. I just mean, I thought you — had a younger kid! Yeah, I thought I heard that Lisa had a little brother, or sister, or–

JOY

It’s brother. On the way.

[Troy breathes out]

Yes! I’m pregnant! Messing with people who think they’ve just called me fat is just about the only happiness I get right now.

TROY
Oh Jesus, I just saw my life flash before my eyes.

JOY

Yeah, yeah.

TROY

You really shouldn’t do that.

JOY

Do what?

TROY

Mess with people ike that, it’s the WORST thing, to make someone feel bad about… how you look.

JOY

The worst thing?

TROY
Ah, well, These things are sensitive–

JOY

Like my feet, you mean?

TROY
Like, in a delicate social situation, I don’t want to feel like the bad guy.

JOY
I didn’t say — Never mind. I’m sorry. It was a bad joke. Having a baby in me makes me mean.

TROY
It can’t be that bad, my wife’s done it four times, she didn’t do anything to make me feel bad about it.

JOY

Well maybe she should’ve.

TROY
And what good would that have done?

JOY
Well, you sure care about not looking like a bad guy, maybe if a woman had rattled your cage a little earlier, you’d care more about not being a bad guy instead.

TROY
Hey, hey. Let’s calm down. We’re supposed to be getting to know each other, right? But I’m not the kind of guy to go easy on you or cut you slack because of… y’know.

JOY
Is this a 1950’s TV set? Are we not allowed to say pregnant?

TROY
There’s kids around, come on! You don’t have to be all, hormonal, right now, do you?

JOY
I don’t have to be, but I sure am!

TROY
I’m just telling it like it is, you don’t have to be like this, you’re hiding behind some screen of–“Oh, I’m hormonal, and I’m not accountable! Bring me pickles and ice cream” And oh, now I look like the bad guy.

JOY
Are you man explaining Pregnancy to me right now?

TROY

What?

JOY

Are you Man. Explaining. This to me?

TROY
That’s a very clunky way of saying “mansplaining.”

JOY

What?

TROY
I’m saying, I think you mean “mansplaining.”

JOY
Are you mansplaining Man Explaining to me now?

TROY

…Alright, that was pretty good.

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