Directed by Aeron Macintyre

With Laura Peterson, Blair Argyle & Roberta J Morris

It is the turn of the century. LAURA is standing facing the audience. She is looking into an invisible mirror and contorting her face into different shapes using pieces of clay and/or cardboard to make her face look even more bizarre. After some time, she holds a certain shape.

LAURA:

How’s this one?

ROBERTA enters and inspects the face she has created.

ROBERTA:

No. Keep trying.

LAURA:

Mom!

ROBERTA:

Don’t “Mom” me. This was your idea. We need this money to pay the landlord. Keep trying.

LAURA:

I just want it to be perfect. I could be the next Mona Lisa or Girl with the Pearl Earring.

ROBERTA:

What good will that be if no one will recognize you?

LAURA:

That’s not the point… I’ll know. And this could launch my career! Someday, I’ll be a great model… a Super Model! Hopefully not that model in the Rape of Lucretia.

The doorbell rings.

LAURA: (CONT’D)

Shit!

ROBERTA: (OFF)

Just pull it together!

We hear the door opening. Laura continues to frantically contort her face.

ROBERTA: (OFF)

Bonsoir, Monsieur Cezanne, please come in. We’re so excited you picked Laura.

CEZZANE: (OFF)

I am undecided at this point, I will need to see Linda…

ROBERTA: (OFF)

Laura…

CEZZANE: (OFF)

… before making my choice. She is truly hideous?

ROBERTA: (OFF)

Oh, yes. The hideousist.

They enter the room. Laura hides behind a chair/table/block.

ROBERTA:

Laura! Where are you sweetheart? She’s a little shy due to her… you know…

CEZANNE:

Hideousness? I understand. Let me try to assuage her fears. Lucille? It’s me, Cezanne. Come out, now. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as all that.

Laura slowly comes out from behind where she has been hiding. She continues to constantly contort her face into different expressions.

ROBERTA:

Monsieur Cezanne, this is my daughter Laura.

CEZANNE:

She does not rise to the level of repugnance I was hoping for… oh, wait, that one was pretty good.

LAURA puts her face back in the position he commented on.

LAURA:

You mean, this one?

CEZANNE:

Yes. That is truly hideous!

ROBERTA:

May I ask; why are you looking for (reading from a newspaper ad) “repulsive models”?

CEZANNE:

My life is in turmoil! Ever since that pompous ass Picasso called me the “Father” of all of them, I have been in deep despair!

LAURA:

I would think that would be a compliment.

CEZANNE:

I know what he was really saying… out of date, behind the times, old fogey. I want to expand my work to include some crazy shit that no one has seen!

ROBERTA:

Why don’t you just… you know…

CEZANNE:

No. If I did, you wouldn’t have to ask.

LAURA:

Use your imagination?

CEZANNE:

You don’t think I’ve tried? I’ve spent hours trying to find that new style. I’m gonna kick Picasso’s cubist ass!! And you shall be my muse!

ROBERTA:

I’m going to leave you two alone.

LAURA:

Uh… no Mom, why don’t you…

But she’s already gone. CEZZANE pulls a sketch book out of his shoulder bag. He pushes LAURA onto a chair/block.

CEZANNE:

Let me just do few quick sketches to get started.

LAURA:

Uh, okay.

CEZANNE:

So what made you decide to answer my ad?

LAURA:

Well, I’ve always loved artists… er, the arts and I thought, “what the hell”.

CEZANNE:

Indeed, what the hell.

He begins sketching.

LAURA:

So… what made you want to be an artist?

CEZANNE:

I didn’t like the smell of money.

LAURA:

I’m sorry?

CEZANNE:

Don’t be. My father was a banker and I spent a lot of time at his bank so now am sickened by the smell of money. Fortunately, I have a huge inheritence so don’t have to play the “starving artist”.

LAURA:

Lucky you!

CEZZANE:

Indeed, “Lucky Me”. Lulu, would you mind…

He gestures for her to drop her clothes.

LAURA:

Excuse me?

CEZANNE:

Just… you know…

LAURA:

The ad didn’t say anything about that!

CEZANNE:

Well, in this day and age, it’s pretty much implied. Have you seen some of the trash that Matisse is spitting out these days? He’s making painted Porno’s!

LAURA:

I have but I thought you might be a little different.

CEZANNE:

Well, like Degas said, ‘Art is not what you see, but what you make others see,’ or something.

LAURA:

I don’t want others to see… that.

CEZANNE:

Perhaps I should just “use my imagination”? It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before.

LAURA:

Well, you haven’t seen mine!

CEZANNE:

I’ll turn around.

LAURA:

But then you’ll turn back around.

CEZANNE:

True, but I’ll turn around as a man and turn back around as a painter.

LAURA:

Nice try, Paul. Mom!

ROBERTA enters as if she’s been right outside the door listening, which she has.

ROBERTA:

How are you two getting along?

LAURA:

Mom, he’s another one of those artsy perverts.

ROBERTA:

Laura, why would you say something like that?

LAURA:

Well, he asked to see my…

LAURA leans over and whispers into ROBERTA’s ear

ROBERTA:

Well, it’s not like it’s anything he hasn’t seen…

LAURA:

Mom!

ROBERTA:

I’m just saying that if he’s looking at you now… the way you are now… maybe he’s seeing what he believes to be the real you. No need to hide who you really are underneath it all.

She winks at LAURA who takes a beat.

LAURA:

Monsieur Cezanne, I apologize for my prudishness. Will you give me just a moment to free myself of this silly modesty?

CEZANNE:

Of course, my dear. I admire your convictions as well as your candor and openness.

LAURA exits.

ROBERTA:

I’m sure it won’t take but a minute. In the meantime, shall we attend to the financials?

CEZANNE:

Of course. As promised, I will pay 10 francs for two hours.

ROBERTA:

20.

CEZANNE:

Deal!

They shake hands. LAURA enters. She is wearing a body suit with cubist representations of body parts taped to her.

CEZANNE:

Mon dieu!

ROBERTA:

Indeed!

LAURA:

Geshundeit.

 

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