LIGHTS UP ON:
MARJORIE, who wears a t-shirt that
reads #MAGA on the front. She wears a
red cap that reads “#MAGA”. She stands
in front of a table with a poster
board sign taped to it that also reads
A young WOMAN passes by.
Hi! Thank you! Support MAGA! Hashtag MAGA!
Eat shit and die.
The WOMAN marches off.
Oh. Well. That’s not very nice to say in public.
Hashtag MAGA! Together, united, we can make a change! MAGA!
The WOMAN comes back on.
Hey. Sheep. After you’re done fucking your mom, go fuck
She storms off again. Marjorie shouts
Hey! First of all, that’s actually physically impossible.
Secondly, my mother’s dead. So THERE! (beat) Yeah, I don’t
think I came out on top on that one.
PHIL enters, crossing in front of
Hashtag MAGA! Support a better world, a better America!
Gross. I can’t believe you have the gall to come out here
in public and spout your hate.
What? Hate? I’m talkin’ ’bout MAGA! It’s all about love.
Look, I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playin’
here, but it’s not funny! This kind of thinking is
destroying the very foundations of our country!
Phil storms toward the exit.
Sick? How can you even say that? You’re a bigot!
Stopping mid stride.
I’M the bigot? I AM? Are you kidding me? Get your head
screwed on straight, lady.
He moves toward the exit again.
Hashtag MAGA! Make America Gay Again! Support love in all
its forms! Make America Gay Again!
Phil stops on a dime. He turns to her.
Um. Ec.. Excuse me. What did you say?
Support love in all its forms?
No no no, the other thing. The MAGA thing.
Oh. Make America Gay Again! It’s our slogan. Catchy, huh?
A WOMAN crosses in front of them.
Hashtag MAGA! We would love your support!
The woman exits.
That’s like the fifth f-bomb someone’s yelled at me today.
People can be so rude! Don’t they see a show of love and
solidarity when it’s starin’ ’em in the face?
Yeah, uh… maybe you should think about a different
Why? Why?! Do you live under a rock?
No. And I don’t think you should go around spreading the
stereotype that all gay people live under rocks. That’s
That’s not what… I… that’s not even a thing. Look, what
are you talking about? MAGA means “Make America Great
No it doesn’t.
(handing him a pamphlet)
Says right here. “Make America Gay Again”. See?
You don’t really follow politics much, do you.
Not really, no.
But you’ve heard of Donald Trump.
The guy from “The Apprentice”? Sure, everyone’s heard of
him. Didn’t he also like, sell steaks or somethin’?
No. I mean, yes. The guy from “The Apprentice”. But Donald
Trump. The President.
THE UNITED STATES! Where you live! He’s the leader of your
country. Of of of the free world!
Not ringin’ a bell. Sorry. What happened to that one guy…
what’s his name? OH-BAM-UH? The Kenya guy.
Oh my god. Is this what an aneurism feels like?
Another YOUNG WOMAN, wearing a hip
graphic tee walks by.
Hi! Support love! Support Hashtag MAGA!
You really have to stop saying that.
OMG! Hashtag MAGA!
Make America Gay Again!
Make America Gay Again!
Holy crap, I love that! You go, girl!
Am I, am I hallucinating? Am I like that guy Russel Crowe
played in “A Beautiful Mind”? Are you real?
Are you talking to me?
I just don’t get it. How can you be a functioning person in
society and not know that Donald Trump is president? How
can you ignore the lying, the misogyny, the ties with
mobsters, the ties with Russian mobsters, shady real estate
deals, lying every day, firing James Comey, early morning
poop tweets, Stormy Daniels, Fox and Friends, Michael
Cohen, Michael Cohen paying Stormy Daniels, the Trump Tower
meeting, the other Trump tower meeting, Robert Mueller,
over a dozen campaign official indictments, Russian
interference in the election, Michael Flynn, Sean Spicer,
calling Mexicans rapists, calling Mexicans animals, Rudy
Giuliani, the trillion dollar tax cut, “grab ’em by the
pussy”, the pee tape, and fuckin’ Sarah Huckabee FUCKIN’
He calms himself for a moment.
I don’t really watch the news.
OH MY GOD.
Another young woman walks by.
Hell yeah! Make America Gay Again!
I think my brain is broken.
I just… I just want America to accept my queer family.
I’m GAY! I’m gay, and that’s a terrible slogan. MAGA, to
everyone else in the world is “Make America Great Again.”
Period. You need to find a new slogan. And by the way,
America is already gay! It doesn’t need to be “gay again.”
I come from a long line of proud gays. My father was gay,
and and and my uncle! And my grandfather was gay! Three
generations of proud gay men. And I don’t want you ruining
all their work with a poorly thought out slogan.
There’s a moment of silence.
For a bunch of gay guys, ya’ll have a lot of kids.
Fuck it. Just… just give me one of those buttons.
An OLD WOMAN walks on.
Oh. My Gawd. Make America Gay Again! I LOVE IT.