Mary – Cary Cronholm Rose
Anne – Jayme Catalano
Directed by Melanie Bandera-Hess
The Old Playground
(MARY – a redhead – sits on a blanket, looking lost. She is hugging her knees. We hear ANNE off-stage.)
ANNE (off)
Is that you, Velma?
MARY
Nope!
ANNE (off)
Hang on, I’ll be right there.
MARY (sotto voce)
Where would I go?
ANNE (off)
Shit-fuck-piss!
MARY
What’s the matter?
ANNE (off)
Stubbed my toe. Fucking open-toed sandals.
MARY
Fashion is pain.
(ANNE enters. She’s carrying a small tote bag.)
ANNE
It is at that. Hey, Velma.
MARY
Hey, Daphne.
(They embrace. It’s a long, heartfelt one that neither wants to break.)
ANNE
I can’t believe this place.
(The spell is broken. They release each other.)
MARY
Right? I’m sorry. I had no idea.
ANNE
Me, neither. When you said “let’s meet at the old playground,” I was so excited to see it again…but…
MARY
A parking lot. I’ve certainly had more … scenic … picnics.
ANNE
Thank goodness it’s dark. We can use our imaginations. We’re at about the slides, right?
MARY
Yeah, hereabouts. And the swings would be there – you always pushed me too high.
ANNE
You loved it. And over there would be the seesaw.
MARY
Teeter-totter.
ANNE
Seesaw.
MARY
You say potato; I say hash browns. Tetherball… Basketball.
ANNE
I was actually tempted to bring a ball.
MARY
Why didn’t you?
ANNE
I don’t have one. About two hundred pair of shoes… No basketball.
MARY
What has happened to your priorities?
ANNE
I’m a mess. What can I say?
MARY
Let’s sit. I brought pillows.
ANNE
You think of everything.
MARY
I don’t though. I –
(She looks like she’s going to cry.)
ANNE
Hey, now. Hey… What’s the matter?
MARY
I was going to bring Red Vines and Cherry Coke.
ANNE
Our well-balanced diet: sugar and caffeine.
MARY
Our first tradition. I still think of that as the best night of my life.
ANNE
Of mine, too.
MARY
You mean that?
ANNE
Of course! God, you only find your best friend once…
MARY
Remember that moon?
ANNE
Insane. It was like daylight outside, it was so bright.
MARY
I can’t believe we didn’t get caught. Sneaking out of our cabins like that. In broad moonlight.
ANNE
Who could sleep with those frogs croaking? Besides, school was out… Goodbye elementary school: Hello, Junior High!
MARY
…and we were free!
ANNE
You know I was angry at you when I first saw you?
MARY
No! Why?
ANNE
I thought I was being so brave and…unique…slipping out of my cabin and heading down to the lake. Then there was this damned kid in pig-tails sitting on the dock when I got there. It was like getting to the North Pole just to find someone else’s flag.
MARY
I never knew that.
ANNE
Well, you had Red Vines and I was hungry. How could I stay angry in a situation like that?
MARY
I’m glad you got over it.
ANNE
Me, too.
MARY
Don’t go.
ANNE
Did I stand up?
MARY
No, I mean don’t move. I’ll never see you again.
ANNE
Silly, of course you will. I’m not moving to Mars. Just Madrid.
MARY
Might as well be.
ANNE
It has an airport. And running water. I’m told. Don’t mope. Tell me about the new guy.
MARY
Dan.
ANNE
Dan: good, masculine name. Tell me about Dan. He looks hot in the pictures.
MARY
He IS…and a total drupe.
ANNE (making a limp dick gesture)
You say he “droops?”
MARY
No. Drupe. D-R-U-P-E. It means stone fruit. You know, like a cherry? A little bit of tasty flesh surrounding a solid…pit. I wondered why he wasn’t interested in moving beyond first base… I mean…I thought I was being pretty easy – without being desperate, of course…
ANNE
Of course.
MARY
I started to wonder…was I giving off some “don’t touch me” vibe?
ANNE
Not you. Not possible.
MARY
Right? But no… It turns out he’s really worried about his health.
ANNE
He thinks you have STDs?
MARY
They’re called STIs these days, but no…not exactly…
ANNE
What’s the “I” stand for?
MARY
Infection, I think? They aren’t all diseases, but they are all infections.
ANNE
We’re worried about offending viruses, now? It’s come to this? Okay, so if he’s not worried about STIs…then what?
MARY
Gingivitis.
ANNE
He thinks you have poor dental hygiene?
MARY
He thinks it’s something you catch from sleeping with a redhead.
(They both laugh at the absurdity.)
Who am I going to talk to when you’re gone?
ANNE
Silly goose. We have tons of ways to stay in touch: Facebook, Facetime, What’s App, e-mail, texts – the actual PHONE…
MARY
It won’t be the same.
ANNE
I know.
MARY
Ah, Shit. The moon’s going down.
ANNE
It tends to do that.
MARY (disgusted with herself)
I wanted it to stay longer. Dammit. No playground, no Red Vines, no Cherry Coke, no fucking MOON… I can’t even plan a decent farewell. I’m a terrible friend. No wonder you’re leaving. I’d leave me, too.
ANNE (opening her tote bag)
Hey, now. Stop that. Stop beating yourself up. That’s my job. You didn’t put up this parking lot. (pulling a pack of Marlboros out of her bag) And here are the Red Vines. (and a bottle of red wine) And here is the Cherry Coke. And the moon may be going down here, but it’s rising somewhere else. Maybe two young girls are meeting right now at some summer camp in…Azerbaijan. Or someplace.
MARY
And they’ll trade sugary foods and become the very best of friends. And they’ll share everything.
ANNE
They will. And even if they’re parted by thousands of miles, they won’t mind, because they will always be there for one another.
MARY
Swear?
(ANNE holds out her pinky finger. MARY takes it with hers.)
ANNE
Always.
(ANNE begins a song they used to sing, with MARY joining in.)
Hey Hey Oh Playmate
Come out and play with me
And bring your dollies three
Climb up my apple tree
Slide down my rain barrel
Onto my cellar door
And we’ll be jolly friends forever more…
(in the original showcase, the actresses sang “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” – a song that meant a lot to them, and I applaud the personalization…)
END OF PLAY
Art and Music in Our Souls 