Shotz Musical
(ANNA and JESS rush out of the back of the gymnasium, where they were, in theory, just leading a Shakespeare workshop. They both have backpacks on, and JESS has a rolling suitcase of some kind. When they arrived at the school, these were filled with costumes and a boom box and other teaching supplies. Now they’re filled with body parts. ANNA is holding the costumes.)
ANNA
What do I do with these?
JESS
I don’t know! Throw them away!
ANNA
(half-second to look for a trash can) You don’t think it’s gonna be weird when they find a bunch of costumes in the trash?
JESS
You don’t think it’s gonna be weird when they find a bunch of blood in the back of the god damn multipurpose room?
ANNA
I cleaned that up.
JESS
When?
ANNA
When you were stuffing it in the suitcase.
JESS
(too loud) Its head- (quieter) Its head fucking splattered, Anna!
ANNA
Yeah, but it was basically jelly. Coagulated or whatever. I just kinda scooped it up.
JESS
With what!?
ANNA
(shaking the costumes) With these!
JESS
Jesus fucking- Get rid of them! Throw them away!
ANNA
You don’t think it’s gonna be weird when they find-
JESS
Fine! Give it to me. I’ll try to fit them in here.
(JESS takes the costumes and turns upstage, kneeling to open the suitcase and shove them in. As he turns, we see there’s a zombie hand sticking out of his backpack. ANNA shoves it back in and zips it shut. She turns downstage, covering the view from any passersby. Maybe she waves at somebody in a “nothing to see here” kind of way. JESS gets the suitcase open and starts shoving the costumes in. He gags at the smell. Finished, he stands up. He’s on the verge of tears.)
ANNA
Okay. Good. Now let’s get out of here.
JESS
This is so fucked. We need to go tell somebody.
ANNA
No.
JESS
What if there’s another one? What if it attacks a kid?
ANNA
I’m sure this was the only one.
JESS
You don’t know that, Anna! This could be the end of the world for all we know!
ANNA
Maybe it is! What are we gonna do about it?
JESS
Tell the principal or something.
ANNA
Oh my god.
JESS
(shouting) I’m trying to do the right thing!
ANNA
Jess, you gotta stay calm
JESS
Wha- Anna!
This thing could be a ticking time bomb!
ANNA
Don’t say bomb!
JESS
What?
ANNA
Shh!
JESS
It’s a zomb-
ANNA
Shut the fuck up! And look where we are.
You’re making a scene.
We’re in the middle of a school on Halloween
And what will people think if they find us with a body?
You think they’d understand if we said, “We killed a zombie?”
JESS
Anna, this is really important!
Can’t you see that this is bigger than us!
There are people in danger
And we’ve gotta warn them
Before the zombie apocalypse comes!
ANNA
No!
JESS
What?
ANNA
No!
JESS
No?
ANNA
No!
JESS
Yes!
ANNA
No way!
We’re gonna keep it a secret from everyone
We’re calmly gonna shove it really deep in your trunk
And then we’ll take it, and burn it, and bury the ashes
And we’ll come back and act like none of this happened
JESS
But don’t we owe something to humankind?
ANNA
I think we owe a lot more to ourselves
JESS
Shouldn’t a whistle be blown…
ANNA
I look out for my own…
ANNA and JESS
…when the world is going to Hell!?
JESS
I don’t know if I can.
ANNA
God damn it.
JESS
There has to be another option.
ANNA
Like what?
JESS
Well,
We could send the remains
To the police
Anonymously
So the doctors in the morgue can do an autopsy
I feel like that would really ease my conscience
ANNA
Well I still have this philosophical problem…
If a zombie attacks, and only two people see it
Did it actually happen?
And if one person says they’re gonna tip off the cops
Then shouldn’t the other take drastic action?
JESS
No!
ANNA
Yes!
JESS
No!
ANNA
Yes!
JESS
Really?
ANNA
Yes.
JESS
Okay!
ANNA and JESS
We’re gonna keep it a secret from everyone
We’re calmly gonna shove it really deep in the trunk
And then we’ll take it, and burn it, and bury the ashes
And we’ll come back and act like none of this happened
Cause who knows what this portends?
It could very well mean that the world will end
JESS
(sentimental)
And if the time we have left is short…
ANNA
I’d rather not spend it in court.
(She shoves him off stage.)
Art and Music in Our Souls 