A small office in a public high school. All furniture and props are mimed. All sound effects are created by the actors.

Karen, 40-something, is a high school English teacher. She enters, establishing the door, window, and the desk. She sits at her desk, working.

Kevin, 40-something, is substitute teacher who has bounced from job to job.

Kevin stands, unseen by Karen, outside her office door, texting on his phone.

Kevin

(to self)

Send. Yes.

Karen receives a text on her phone. DING! She reads it.

Karen is terrified and will remain so for most of the play. She begins a prolonged hunt for safe shelter, within the confines of her office. She jumps up, draws the blinds, looks around the room for a place to hide, jumps under desk.

Karen hyperventilates. Kevin listens.

Karen

It’s just a drill, it’s just a drill, it’s just a drill!

Kevin pounds on the office door.

Kevin

Ms. Sutter? Ms. Sutter, are you in there? Ms. Sutter! I can hear you breathing. I need to come in.

Karen clamps her hand over her mouth and stops breathing. A beat. She gasps for air. Kevin bangs again.

PAGE_BREAK: PageBreak

Karen

(To herself)

Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! Calm down! Go away! You can’t come in here!

Kevin knocks again

Kevin

Please? I have to hide. Active shooter alert!

karen

Who are you?

KEvin

It’s Kevin. The substitute teacher.

Karen

They asked you back? I thought–

kevin

I took the training and then they hired me. On probation.

Karen

You know you can’t be alone in here with me. That’s school policy. Your training certainly covered that.

Kevin

I know. Its a good policy. #MeToo! I got that! But we have an active shooter alert!

Karen

It’s almost certainly just a drill.

Kevin

Did you get the text? It didn’t say it was a drill! I’m coming in! (Kevin pushes open the door and runs in). I’m going to lock the door and barricade it with this chair.

Kevin barricades the door. He tries to crawl under the desk.

Karen

Stop! Please maintain my personal space!

Karen begins to record audio on her phone. Kevin is unaware.

Kevin

Why didn’t you lock the door?

Karen

I just got — I know. Run, hide, fight. I didn’t know who was at the door, I just got–

Kevin

Scared. That’s natural. I mean this could be real. We just don’t know. I need to get out of line of sight of the window. I’m exposed. I’m sorry.

Kevin again tries to join Karen under the desk. She jumps up and flees for the door. Kevin stops her.

KAren

Don’t touch me!

Kevin

Take a breath. Take a deep breathe. Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Easy. You can’t go out there.

Karen

I can’t stay here alone with you. Please.

Kevin

I only did that for your own protection. I’m not sexually harassing you. Just don’t go out in the hall.

Karen

Thank you. Sorry. I know. I apologize. If this is only a drill, it’s very realistic. I’m just going to hide under the desk again.

She hides.

Kevin

You know, most victims are shot while they’re hiding. At a distance of eighteen inches. That was in the video. They get trapped and make an easy target.

Karen crawls out from under the desk.

karen

They wouldn’t shoot us, would they? I mean, we are not bullies.

Kevin

No. But there are a lot of kids who really, really hate your class.

Karen

They hate Shakespeare?

Kevin

That’s what they told me.

Karen

But they don’t hate me. They just complain because I work them really hard to make it relevant.

Kevin

I saw the Titus Andronicus you produced in the parking lot. With the food truck and Shepard’s pie for lunch. The actors sounded like a Peanuts cartoon. “Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah”. The kids were on their phones the whole time.

KAren

What they love is Game of Thrones. He wants me to teach that.

Kevin

Who does?

Karen

Principal Gold. He says Game of Thrones is more relevant.

Kevin

What about all the rape-y bits? And the nudity?

Karen

Principal Gold says we can just post trigger warnings. I’m just gonnah look out the window now!

Karen moves to look out the window. Kevin blocks her.

Kevin

Stay away from the window! Please.

Karen

Sorry. Right. That was in the video.

Kevin

We’re okay. We’re following procedure.

Karen

Okay.

Kevin

I can’t die now. Not before I get my degree. And a good recommendation. I want my masters in English so I can produce all those Shakespeare plays they translated into modern American English. The ones that everyone hates.

Karen

Oh my God, I love those plays. You’ve read them?

KEvin

All of them. Twice! Now I can finally understand two-thirds of the language. They speak to me.

Karen

Me too! I felt like I was doing it wrong all this time, but it was the words that were wrong! Not me! That new Hamlet soliloquy? “To be or not to be, I ponder the question of whether to continue to exist or not.”

Kevin

That is so much clearer!

karen

I wish I could teach those but–

Kevin

What?

Karen

the parents. The school board. They are very conservative. They don’t like controversy.

Kevin

I could help you! Teach! Make Shakespeare modern. What could go wrong?

KAren

Kevin.

Kevin

Yes?

Karen

You’re a man. And we’re alone.

Kevin

Yes.

Karen

So all this talk about Shakespeare is a violation of school policy.

Kevin

What’s that?

Kevin dives to the floor.

karen

What?

PAGE_BREAK: PageBreak

Kevin

Did you hear that? Outside the window. Someone walked by outside the window.

Karen curls up into a tiny ball..

KAren

Who was it?

Kevin

I’m gonnah go.

karen

No!

kevin

No, really, like you said, we’re alone and–

Karen

Please! Stay!

Kevin

You’re sure?

Karen

Yes!

Kevin

You’re asking me to stay?

Karen

Yes.

Kevin

I’ll stay if you look at this.

Kevin unfolds a paper from his pocket and hands it to Karen.

Karen

(Reading)

You wrote your own recommendation.

Kevin

I printed it out for you to sign. In case, you know, we–

karen

Die. Yes.

PAGE_BREAK: PageBreak

Kevin

I think I really captured your voice. But don’t worry. I won’t cut off your tongue.

Karen

What?

Kevin

Us meeting alone like this. He said. She said. If it came down to that. Which I am not saying it will. Off with the tongue! Joking. Titus Andronicus. Lavinia.

Karen

(Reading)

“Although Kevin was on temporary assignment as a substitute teacher, he was deeply invested in the school curriculum, and enthusiastically offered his expertise teaching drama to modernize our study of Shakespeare.” How did you know we were going to talk about that?

Kevin

We talked about it before.

Karen

No, we didn’t. So, you printed this recommendation and came to my office to have me sign it.

Kevin

Obviously.

Karen

But you already knew what our conversation would be about.

Kevin

I’ve wanted to teach Shakespeare in American translation ever since they came out.

KAren

I guess we have that in common.

kevin

I’ve always wanted to work with you.

karen

Really?

Kevin

I think you’re smart and nice and really attractive.

Karen

Thank you, but that is not appropriate.

Kevin

Right. Sorry. I knew that.

karen

I could report you. Banging on my door. Forcing your way in here.

KEvin

I had to! There might be a real shooter out there!

Karen rips up the recommendation, crosses to the window and raises the blinds.

karen

There’s no alert. No SWAT team in the parking lot. No lines of kids running for shelter.

Karen looks at the text on her phone.

Karen

Did you send this text? Active shooter alert? Are you gaslighting me?

Kevin

I’ll say you lured me into your office, alone.

KAren

And I’ll say you put your hands on me and prevented me from exiting my office.

Kevin

I didn’t touch you!

karen

Actually, you did. It’s all on here.

Karen holds up her phone.

Kevin

You recorded me?

KaRen

Get out!

Kevin exits. Karen walks to the window, stares out. A beat.

PA ANNOUNCEMENT

Lockdown. Shelter in place. This is a drill. This is a drill.

Karen spins and looks at door. Black out.

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