Mildred is sitting at a dining table eating
cereal. She is obviously not happy. Siobhan
Come on, honey. You don’t want to be late for your
Don’t get smart with me, young lady. Now, get upstairs
and brush your teeth.
God, Mom, when are you going to relax? School’s not
that important. You’ve said it a million times;
“education is nothing but a way of promulgating white
man history and maintaining the patriarchy”. Where do
we go from there?
You know the word “promulgate”! And I also think that
you get a lot out of committing to School and getting
another perspective on life.
Oooo, getting another perspective. That’s deep.
Just go brush your fucking teeth.
Mildred jolts up from her seat and trudges off.
Siobhan goes to another part of the stage and
starts setting things in place for a class. After
a few moments, Mildred comes on, ready for school.
Okay. G’ bye Mom.
Mildred leaves. Siobhan Becomes another person.
She is stern, she is in control. She puts the
finishing touches on her new role and pauses;
waiting for the next act. Mildred walks in and
immediately walks over to the table, sets her
backpack on the floor , pulls out her laptop, a
book and a notepad. She’s ready. A school bell
rings. Siobhan addresses the rest to the “class”
of the audience and Mildred. Mildred is already,
clearly done with this aspect of home schooling.
Alright everybody… quiet down. Today we’re going to
review the tests from last week. Now, most of you did
very well. I do have to say that, Albert did some
exceptional work in part two of the test. He was the
only one to correctly answer “who was the first
character seen in the first Harry Potter movie.” Does
anyone know the answer now that you’ve had a chance to
look it up?
Are you sure, Miss Jenson? I think we should find out
if some of the other students…
Jesus, enough is enough! You’re treating “us” like
we’re fifth graders.
I treat you as you act towards me, young lady, and I’ll
ask you once again to refrain from talking back.
Mom, this is it. I have been waiting for this day for
years now. It’s the first day of School, of my second
year… of COLLEGE!
Siobhan (Two) is jolted. She tries to pull it
Mildred. I know that these last fourteen years have
been challenging but, I think you’re missing the
An Education? You really think, at this point, the most
important thing is an education? I need a life, Mom.
You’ve done an amazing job. I know that you taught me
things they don’t teach in other schools about things
that really matter. Both you and Dad… though Dad’s
different. You are the one I emulate… or, maybe
someday will… to be the person I want to be.
Well, that’s interesting, Miss Jenson but I think…
A fire alarm rings.
SIOBHAN (TWO) (CONT’D):
Alright everyone, single file. It’s probably just a
Of course it’s a drill! It’s Wednesday!!
Thank you for the report, Miss Jenson. Now let’s follow
procedure and we’ll be back to work in no time…
She walks off stage and a few seconds later the
alarm abruptly stops.
Oh! I guess they got everything sorted out.
Mildred walks back on.
Mom… come have a seat.
Mom, I know this is a difficult transition. I’ve gone
along with it because it’s all I’ve known and I knew
you would have a hard time. I Love you. I appreciate
you giving up everything for me. You and Dad have
clearly put everything in your lives on hold to teach
me. Deciding to home-school was a huge sacrifice and
lot of other kids haven’t had the opportunities I have.
But I’m 21 years old and I’m done.
We just wanted to help.
I know. But I’ve got to get out and make friends.
You have friends.
In the evenings and on weekends.
Mom, literally NO ONE does college homeschooling!
No one had invented the Telephone until, who invented
Alexander Graham Bell.
Very good. If no one brushed their teeth would you walk
around with rotting teeth and halitosis?
Don’t be silly. That’s not even remotely related, not
to mention it’s a ridiculous example.
Mildred, I’m just so afraid of what could happen if you
go to a college outside of home.
What could go wrong?
You could be indoctrinated into some crazy cult.
You raised me too well for that to happen and you know
it. I’ll make a deal with you, if you let me go to a
real college, I’ll come home for holidays and we can
have a class or two while I’m here.
Would you agree to Summer School?
NO! But, I will take a few courses a couple of days a
I suppose it would be okay, if you really want it, and
you agree to call every day.
How about at least three times a week.
YES!! Thank you… thank you! You’ll see, this is going
to be the best thing for both of us.
She jumps up and runs out. Siobhan puts a few
things away, sits for a moment, then:
Well… now what am I going to do?