Celia – 30s, Drag King dressed as Elvis
Martha – 50s, Celia’s Mother & Secretly Famous Drag King
Lights up on CELIA, dressed as an Elvis-style Drag King. She’s examining herself in the mirror, striking various iconic Elvis Presley poses.
CELIA
(Muttering to herself)
Thank’ya, Thank’ya very much. Woah there missy. I’ll be needing to see ya out back after the show.
CELIA lowers her sunglasses and winks at herself in the mirror.
We hear the door unlock. CELIA panics. She tries to take off her Elvis attire but only makes it halfway through undressing when MARTHA enters.
MARTHA screams and drops her purse.
CELIA
Mom! Mom! It’s me!
MARTHA catches her breath and takes a hard look at CELIA.
MARTHA
Celia?
CELIA
Yes, mom.
MARTHA
You look… Different.
CELIA
I didn’t think you would be home. Didn’t you have a bingo game or something?
MARTHA
Just because I’m over 50 doesn’t mean I’m constantly attending bingo games.
CELIA
Well where were you?
MARTHA
(Pause) Mahjong.
CELIA
I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t want you to see me like this.
MARTHA
Well it’s a little shocking.
CELIA
You just came in so quickly, I didn’t have time-
MARTHA
I can’t believe this, I need to sit down.
CELIA
Do you want some water?
MARTHA
No, I just need a moment to collect myself.
CELIA
I know. It’s not everyday you see your kid dragging it up…
MARTHA
No, no, it’s not the drag thing. It’s how bad you are.
CELIA
Mother?!
MARTHA
What? I’m just being honest.
CELIA
What do you know about drag anyhow?
MARTHA
Well I was a hell of a lot better than you, that’s for sure.
CELIA
(Shocked) What are you talking about?
MARTHA
(Deep breath) Celia, it’s about time you learn something about me. Something I’ve been keeping from you for quite some time.
CELIA
What?
MARTHA
I’m an internationally famous Drag King.
CELIA
(Pause) You’re shitting me right? You’re trying to convince me that YOU are a Drag King.
MARTHA
Was. I’ve been out of the business for a few decades. But trust me. I was the best of the best. M.A.G.A.
CELIA
WAIT, YOU’RE M.A.G.A.?!
MARTHA
Mister Abs Girth and Ass
CELIA
MOTHER!
MARTHA
What?
CELIA
Why didn’t you tell me this?
MARTHA
I didn’t think you were ready.
CELIA
What, to find out my mother was famous for her (pelvic thrust) girth?
MARTHA
Not everyone can handle the Drag King community. You gotta be tough. You gotta be strong.
CELIA
I am strong Mother.
MARTHA
Eh….. (shrugs)
CELIA
Seriously? Watch this.
CELIA lifts the mirror with great effort and lowers it down.
MARTHA
Wow…
CELIA
I know. 30 pounds. At least.
MARTHA
Look, I’m just saying, Drag Kings don’t mess around. You gotta walk the walk. Talk the talk.
CELIA
I know that Mother, why do you think I’m dressed like this?
MARTHA
Well no one’s first time-
CELIA
It’s not my first time. I’ve been doing drag for months.
MARTHA
Oh.. I just assumed-
CELIA
Well you assumed wrong. So why don’t you just go to your room and leave me alone.
A moment of silence.
MARTHA
Let me help you.
CELIA
I don’t need your help.
MARTHA
You do. And I will help you. Just like my mother helped me.
CELIA
WHAT? GRANDMA WAS A DRAG KING?
MARTHA
Oh, you know it. Even bigger than me if you can believe it. But only in the underground scene. She was huge in Berlin.
CELIA
I can’t believe this…
MARTHA
And when I started, I was worse than you. So please, let me help.
CELIA
(Pause) Okay fine.
MARTHA
Your facial hair is off. You got some mascara?
CELIA
Yeah here.
CELIA pulls out mascara.
MARTHA
Now what you have to realize is facial hair isn’t perfect, it’s messy. So you gotta just flick the brush. Like this.
MARTHA gives herself a mascara mustache.
MARTHA
Now you try.
CELIA takes the mascara and gives herself a mascara mustache.
MARTHA
Great. Now bring your sideburns down a little lower. You’re Elvis for god’s sake.
CELIA takes the mascara and brings down her sideburns.
CELIA
I look ridiculous.
MARTHA
It takes time to get the hang of it. Don’t worry. You’ll get it. It’s in your blood.
CELIA
I’m so embarrassed.
MARTHA
Well I’m proud of you.
CELIA
Really?
MARTHA
Yes. I’m proud of you. Come on, let’s take a picture.
CELIA
You’re kidding.
MARTHA
No, come on. Smile.
They take a selfie.
MARTHA types something on her phone.
CELIA
What are you doing?
CELIA’S phone beeps.
CELIA look at at her phone. She reads the notification.
CELIA
MamaBear69 tagged you in a photo. #MAGA.
MARTHA and CELIA look at each other and smile.
MARTHA & CELIA (In Unison)
Mister Abs Girth and Ass!
They high five.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY
Art and Music in Our Souls 