Anna – Millennial who finds a thrifty curbside couch that turns out to be haunted
Jayme – Anna’s friend who appears to be possessed by a demon baby doll
Anna enters holding a sign:
The following is based on a true story.
Anna lifts up an additional sign:
Sort of.
Anna exits.
Jayme lounges on on the sofa. Anna enters.
Jayme
This.. is the most comfortable sofa.. My butt has ever felt…
Anna
What did I tell you? Curbside sofas for the win!
Jayme
What psychopath would give away a sofa made of unicorn dreams?
Anna
Ok that’s enough. My turn.
Anna pushes Jayme off the sofa and takes her place.
Jayme
Where’d you say you found this bad boy?
Anna
It was on the corner of Lincoln and Everett.
Jayme
Kind of a strange place to find a sofa… don’t you think?
Anna
Jealous, much?
Jayme
Aren’t you worried it might have bed bugs or something?
Anna
Who cares? My lumbar feels like it’s being massaged by a thousand teacup chihuahuas.
Jayme
(Through gritted teeth) How…. delightful…
Jayme looks behind the couch.
Jayme
What’s this?
Anna
What’s what?
Jayme
There’s a hole in the back of the couch.
Anna
Yeah, it’s a street couch! I’m lucky it’s just a hole and not a racoon.
Jayme
There’s something inside it… Holy crap!
Jayme pulls out a horrifying, nightmarish baby doll from the hole in the wall. It’s eyes are gouged out and it has blood all over it’s dress.
Anna
What is that?!?
Jayme
It was in the couch!
Anna
Throw it away, it’s horrifying!
Jayme
Okay, okay, just give me a second.
Jayme exits with the nightmare doll.
Anna
(Talking to the sofa) Don’t worry, that devil baby can’t hurt you anymore. You and me, we’re gonna have a long life together.
Anna kisses the sofa.
Jayme enters with her eyes closed, wearing an identical outfit to the nightmare doll.
Anna
Jayme… Did you just change?
Jayme
Who is…. Jayme?
Anna
Stop it, you’re freaking me out.
Jayme
My name is… Annabelle…
Anna
Jayme, I swear to god if you don’t cut it out-
Jayme
You took me from my home.
Anna
Your home?
Jayme walks towards the couch. Anna jumps up and scurries away.
Jayme
We want to go home…
Jayme pets the couch.
Anna
Jayme you’re-
Lights flicker.
Jayme
Annabelle.
Anna
Okay… Annabelle… What is it that you want?
Jayme
I want you to take us home.
Anna
But this couch is part of my home now, you see?
Jayme
My eyes were gouged out by a twelve year old boy… so no… I don’t see.
Anna
Okay, if I return you home, will you leave me alone?
Jayme
And Winifred?
Anna
Who the hell is Winifred?
Jayme pets the couch
Jayme
Winifred…
Anna
Okay, okay, I’ll take you and Winifred home. Are we good?
Jayme
Alright. Just give me a moment to return to my original form.
Jayme Exits
Anna stands in silence. She slowly walks towards the couch and pokes it. She sits down. The lights flicker. She jumps up, screaming.
Jayme returns with the doll.
Jayme
Hey, I’m feeling kind of weird. Do you mind throwing this out yourself?
Anna
NO! No, uh, I’ve decided to return the couch. It’s not really my style. Just give me a minute. I’m gonna call James and see if we can use his truck. Just.. hold onto that.
Anna exits.
Jayme sits down. She pulls out a cellphone and makes a call.
Jayme
Hey, it’s me… Yeah she totally bought it… She’s been listening to way too many murder podcasts… Great work with the doll, the eyes even freaked me out… You know, the eye thing… Wait, what?…
Jayme reaches behind the couch and pulls out a second doll out of the hole. It’s missing an arm but otherwise appears relatively normal. Jayme looks back and forth between the two dolls. She screams.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY
