A SIMPLE PLAN.
By Ivan Lopez.
LACEY and JUNE, two roommates in their mid-twenties, sit on the couch and watch TV.
JUNE
Hey, Lacey, what day is it?
LACEY
Tuesday.
JUNE
Tuesday? I thought yesterday was Tuesday.
LACEY
Yesterday was Monday.
JUNE
Really?
LACEY
Yippers.
JUNE stares out into space. Beat.
JUNE
Are we still in August?
LACEY
Yes. Wait. No. September.
JUNE
September?
LACEY checks her phone.
LACEY
September 7th.
JUNE
Where did August go?
LACEY
That’s a good question.
They both stare out into space.
JUNE
Are you happy?
LACEY
Like right this second or in general?
JUNE
Both I guess.
LACEY
No, I’m not.
(beat)
Oh, God, not at all.
JUNE
Me neither.
LACEY
How did this happen?
JUNE
It’s this fucking city. You get here with all this optimism and big dreams and it just takes one glance at you, punches you in the neck and leaves you lying in the gutter.
LACEY
Some people get back up.
JUNE
Yeah, fuck those people. They make it look so easy.
LACEY
Somethings gotta give. There’s gotta be a way to change.
JUNE
Wishful thinking.
LACEY
Maybe, but still. You remember all that passion we had?
JUNE
Vaguely. It feels like that was someone else. And that person’s dead – replaced by the zombie you see before you.
LACEY
Well, lets kill the zombie then.
JUNE
You can’t. Once you’re a zombie you’re done. Then your life becomes walking slow, hunting for brains and destroying other people’s lives. Its irreversible.
LACEY sticks her hand between the sofa cushions and pulls out a Chinese takeout menu and a pen.
LACEY
We’re gonna come up with a plan.
JUNE
A plan?
LACEY
A plan to wake us up from this fog and jump start us.
JUNE
A stimulus plan?
LACEY
I like that. Yeah, a stimulus plan.
JUNE
I was being sarcastic. Thats not gonna work.
LACEY
Why not?
JUNE
Seriously? You think we can change our lives by writing down some plan on the back of a Golden Chopsticks menu?
LACEY
It’s worth a shot. You got something better to do?
JUNE
Okay, fine. I’ll humor you. Step One is we need to do some fucking laundry. Our clothes smell like grilled cheese sandwiches and weed.
LACEY
(writing it down)
Laundry. Got it. We should also start dating again. We need boyfriends.
JUNE
I gotta lose ten pounds first.
LACEY
Are you kidding me? You’re a twig! I’m the fat ass.
JUNE
Oh shut up. You still fit into your jeans. I’m the one that has to wear sweatpants.
LACEY
By choice. You’ve got a killer body.
JUNE
Whatever, I need to lose some weight before I can get a boyfriend.
LACEY
I don’t think thats true, but okay, I’ll put down exercise. Maybe we can start going to yoga again.
JUNE
We have no money.
LACEY
Yoga to the People is pay what you can.
JUNE
Thats all the way in the Village. I don’t wanna take the train to yoga. If we had more money, we could go to the yoga studio in the corner. Put that down…make more money.
LACEY
Thats not exactly a plan. We can’t just make more money by writing it down.
JUNE
We can’t make any of this stuff happen just by writing it down. This is stupid.
LACEY
Okay, I’ll write it down. I want to learn Russian.
JUNE
Russian? What are you gonna do with Russian?
LACEY
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go to Moscow for a month.
JUNE
Oh, are we dreaming now? Why don’t you write down I wanna go to the Moon.
LACEY does.
JUNE
Oh come on, you’re writing that down?
LACEY
Why not?
JUNE
Cause thats impossible.
LACEY
Its fun though. Isn’t it?
JUNE
No.
LACEY
Come on, you’re laughing. I haven’t seen you laugh in months. When did we stop being silly? Back in college we used to play this game all the time. Who cares if somethings impossible? Dreaming is still free. Dream away I say. It beats sitting around watching 90210 reruns.
JUNE
Okay. I wanna run with the bulls in Pamplona.
LACEY
I wanna learn to play the guitar.
JUNE
I wanna kiss a random guy on the subway and then never see him again.
LACEY
I wanna go for a walk in the rain!
JUNE
I wanna go camping somewhere where I can see the stars!
The excitement gets the girls going. They begin yelling out things they’ve always wanted to do. The excitement turns to just downright giddy till it just comes to its natural end.
LACEY
I never knew you wanted to _______________.
JUNE
Since I was a little girl!
The girls laugh and are lost in their own thoughts for a second.
JUNE
Hey, what time is it?
LACEY
6:30.
JUNE
If we leave now we can still make it down to the Brooklyn Bridge for sunset.
LACEY
Perfect!
JUNE
Should I change?
LACEY
You look great like that.
JUNE
You got your keys?
LACEY
Got em.
JUNE
Let’s go.
They exit.
FIN.