(Lights up on two girls driving along a deserted highway. MELISSA is driving with JAIME in the passenger seat picking songs on the iphone. They are singing along to “Never Let Me Down Again” by Depeche Mode which is also the transition music. The car begins to sputter. They slowly run out of gas.)

Melissa: No fucking way. (looking down at the dash)

Jaime: Ha ha ha!

Melissa: No fucking way! (Pulling over)

Jaime: Ha ha! We are not going anywhere. Ha Ha!

Melissa: NO FUCKING WAY! (stopping) You have got to be kidding me… how are we… what are we…

Jaime: I guess we don’t. (turning the music up)

Melissa: We’re in the middle of nowhere!

Jaime: We ran out of gas. What are we gonna do?

Melissa: Don’t be all cool about it. Asshole. (turning music off)

Jaime: Don’t call me an asshole, Assssshooooole. (turning the music back on. 2 beats then back off) I mean, where are we? We’re fine. All is good. Keep calm.

Melissa: “Keep Calm”. We’re in the middle of nowhere. There isn’t a gas station or rest stop for miles. The sign back there… I haven’t seen a car. We’re fuuucked. Fuuuuuuucked. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

Jaime: Wow

Melissa: Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! Let’s call someone. (pulls out her cellphone. Jaime does the same lazily. Looks for bars. In the car: Front seat, back seat, next to the dash, out the window. They get out. They run from side to side getting more agitated)

Jaime: Nothing here.

Melissa: Nothing here.

Jaime: Nothing here.

Melissa: Nothing here.

(Both calming and giving into shock)

Melissa: Nothing.

Jaime: Nothing.

Melissa: Nothing…

(silence)

Jaime: OK…

Melissa: Huh?

Jaime: OK… so we’ll. It’s not cold. We have leftovers. Water.

Melissa: Vodka.

Jaime: Vodka. I mean we’re not underfed so we could be fine for days.

Melissa: You’re not underfed. Ha.

Jaime: What? Oh. Nice.

Melissa: Vodka…

Jaime: Yeah. This calls for a shot. (Runs to the trunk. Gets the vodka.)

Melissa: Vodka!

Jaime: Here we go. Dasvidaniya… boots are off… (begins to drink out of the bottle)

Melissa: No wait! (grabbing the bottle)

Jaime: What the fuck?

Melissa: We can use this for fuel! /Gimme gimme!

Jaime: No! Don’t put alcohol in the gas tank! At least look it up… /fucking google! (small tustle).

Melissa: I remember from a documentary I saw about alternative fuels.

Jaime: What happens if we make it worse. I don’t know anything about cars.

Melissa: Neither do I. (letting go of her fear) I don’t know anything.

Jaime: Nothing. I don’t know ANYTHING!!!

Melissa: Ha ha.

Jaime: Shit.

Melissa: Yup.

(silence)

Jaime: Shit (as many times as it seems necessary to get the idea) Shit! Methane! That’s fuel. Cow Chips. Shit bombs. Global warming. Death of the dinosaurs. Farts on fire. Flux Capacitor. We’ll shit in the car!

Melissa: What? No! No shitting in the car.

Jaime: In the gas tank. Mithinks I got one brrrrrewin…

Melissa: No.

Jaime: You know it’s a good idea! Hehehahhahahaaaaaa! (Runs to the side of the car. Start to undo her pants)

Melissa: Stop. Stop. Stop.

Jaime: You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t believe.

Melissa: Get a hold of yourself!

Jaime: AAAAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAAH! (She stops) You’re right. (she sits) Umm… I’m sorry. Phew.

Melissa: Yeah. Phew. So.

Jaime: So….

(Stopping. This next section should not be heavy handed)

Melissa: We don’t know anything.

Jaime: We were driving down the road.

Melissa: Oblivious to our situation.

Jaime: We could have stopped and fueled up.

Melissa: We could have planned.

Jaime: We could have learned about the car.

Melissa: We could have taken a safer route.

Jaime: We could have taken the bus.

Melissa: We could have.

Jaime: We could have.

Melissa: New plan.

Jaime: Alright.

Melissa: Where are we? Where we going?

Jaime: Here.

Melissa: Get the map.

Jaime: (Tries on phone. Pointless. Gets map from car.)

Melissa: Music?

Jaime: Music (finds tune on phone)

Fade out

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